129 thoughts on ““What clowns feed you in Hell”

  1. Or on a new reality cable TV series:

    "Professional Clown waitstaff serve coulrophobic D-List celebrities the worst of 70's party food, specially prepared from historically-accurate recipies in our kitchen:

    <img src="http://picchore.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/clown-cafe.jpg"/&gt;

    On period accurate serving ware

    <img src="https://bid.hinesauctionservice.com/images/lot/8930/8930410_0.jpg?1530145819"/&gt;

    With entertainment by:

    <img src="https://files.ctctcdn.com/10892021201/f933d0aa-d7c9-426e-9e02-a4e5cf62968c.jpg"/&gt;

    And dessert!

    <img src="http://dubbatrubba.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/bozo.png"/&gt;

    All under the express direction of Andrew Zimmern!"

    1. Can't find it now, but "breakfast begins at ingestion"

      C.H.U.D.RUCKERS @exploder

      IHOP has always been less a restaurant than a cloaca.

        1. "Tony Posnanski @tonyposnanski

          Replying to @IHOP

          What the fuck is this shit? Why didn’t you just post a stack of fucking pancakes like a normal fucking pancake house?"

        2. felinecannonball @feline_cannon

          Replying to @feline_cannon @nycsouthpaw

          I was in parts of Baja where tacos are made with whatever falls off the truck or gets hit by the truck. So I could imagine some broccoli coatimundi tacos.

    1. The Warax.

      @iAmTheWarax

      UNIVERSITY PROF., a Fool: “these are ‘Arabic Numerals.’”

      CROWD: “BOOOOOOOOOO!!”

      ME, a Culture War Expert: “these are ‘Freedom Numbers™️

      .CROWD: “OH MY GODDD!” *throwing bags of money*

  2. Field report: So I have been doing yardwork all day and I rolled some logs down to the curb and put a "free" sign on them. They are nice oak logs from some tree trimming I had done. Also there as a larger maple log from a tree trim last year. There was a guy who does reclaimed wood stuff who said he'd get them all but he never came, so I left them for firewood and also posted on Nextdoor.com

    Well I just drove home from a run to the grocery store, and all the logs have been taken except for the maple. which is a little grungier looking, since it has been sitting out for a year. I just find that rude – if you're going to take the logs, take them all. Don't leave the grungy one. Fuckin' jerks.

        1. Or send it here. It's 67 deg and somebody in the 'hood has their fireplace going.
          Maye they grabbed the oak.

          1. Ask them if they got their oak curbside from a tract home in SoCal. If they did, ask them why in the hell they didn't have the courtesy to take the maple log, too.

  3. Another field report:

    So today I also cleaned up some clear plastic storage tubs that I bought a few weeks ago and realized that my new cat is using to mark territory on. Ew.

    I had bought them to store my fabric stash, which I had temporarily stacked up in my living room in neat piles. (The old tubs were ancient and were brittle and were cracking.) The empty new tubs had been stacked inside my back door, by my washer and dryer.

    Well this morning I realized that the cat pee smell I am smelling in my living room is because the cat is also marking territory on the fabric piles. Now I have to wash all my fabric stash. Fuckin' cat.

        1. No charge.
          I got a milllion of 'em

          eta: See, good karma. StewMac, the guitar parts and tools store, just sent me $10 off my next purchase.
          Which is kinda like $10 off at Tiffany's. but still. I once got something from them, calipers or something, but nothing since. Imma wait until they offer $100 off.

      1. I used to have a cat who was the sweetest little thing, but she would spay the curtains over my sliding glass door endlessly, they were soaked and stiff from all the cat pee. I would come home from work, walk in the door, the smell would hit me, and I would be in tears.

        She was just trying to self-soothe, she did not mean to do harm. She had been an outdoor cat the first nine years of her life and I think she was just so thrilled to have what her must have seemed like a new life of luxury that I think she tended to spray the doors to somehow protect herself from ever having to go out again, or something like that.

        This guy, he just started this behavior maybe a month ago. He too used to be an outdoor cat. But I think it is something else going on with him and I can't figure out what. I just wish to hell it would stop happening.

        1. Mine is still mostly outdoors. He came with the house. Closest guess is he's around 12 years old now. Just the nicest cat, but only on his terms. I couldn't possibly try to keep him indoors, though it does break my heart when he doesn't come around for a couple of days or more.

      1. Thanks, I might try that. I use something called "Odor away" or something like that, and they make it in a dog formula and a cat formula. I have some of a small bottle left, I used to buy it in gallon jugs. Basically I think I need to buy something like that again. Or murder the cat.

        The cute thing is that he and my weird female cat have suddenly become friends. She is kind of a special needs cat in that she won't let anyone pick her up and she runs and hides if I pet her too much and she's just really weird. She and my other male have always been very bonded, but the past two days she has decided that the new cat is OK (after six months of hissing) and over the weekend I have found her multiple times curled up a few feet away from him. It's not the grand love story that her relationship with my other male cat is, but still clearly she has accepted him and so now maybe he doesn't feel so much like the new guy and maybe his stress levels will go down a little and the spraying will stop. (who am I kidding…)

        1. Stuff's magic, at least the dog/general variety. It's got some enzymatic component that really tears into stains and odors. I always take a spray bottle on the road with the pack.

          I have limited experience with cats, only having had two and both female. Neither of them sprayed inside. Maybe your guy is settling in to a multi-animal household and will settle down when he feels he's at home? And good for you doing the rescue bit. Good animal Karma.

          BTW, it's a | Rainy day in D.C. | again.

          1. Do you know if the Nature's Miracle stuff only removes the smell, or does it also discourage them from spraying there again? I know there are two different kinds of these products. It is frustrating that I have need to go back to researching these products again. Dammit.

            Re the cat, he isn't so much a rescue as he is a used cat. He is ten years old. He was my neighbor's cat. They moved in December and couldn't take him with them, since they plan to RV for at least a year, mostly in Texas and Mexico, and that is no life for a cat. He lived indoors with them for years with his mama cat: the mom and son kitties. The mom cat died a few years ago. The humans got a dog and then another dog, so they "decided" that Toby (the cat) then only wanted to be outside to stay away from the dogs. Basically they put him outside and would not let him in and claimed he was happier outside because he was railroaded by the dogs. I have my doubts as to whether he did that voluntarily, but whatever.

            When he came to my house, he spent a few days being sad that he was not with his own family, but surprisingly quickly he decided he now has it pretty good and he has not tried to go outside even once. He ignores my dogs, and frankly he could take down either one of them, so I have my doubts as to whether he really voluntarily stayed outside at his old house to stay away from the dogs. All in all, fuckin' peeing aside, he's a good kitty and I am glad I can give him a happy life.

            Ducks – OMG ADORABLE!!!!!

          2. Not sure, but the idea is that the enzymes should deactivate the pheromone in the spray too. Some formulations have scent added which probably helps as an area denial weapon.

            "Used cat" is good. He's probably thrilled he's both inside now and not having to flee large canids with prey drives.

            Turns out that | Weekends are for Ducks | here this year. *sobs*

          3. Also, their two dogs were fluffy, dim-witted little Lhasa Apsos. Not lupine cat-eaters. They looked like dirty mops and had the IQ of mops, too. I think in their heart of hearts the humans fell in love with the dogs and the cat became inconvenient. He got beat up a lot by raccoons outside, too, which was sad. And expensive for them.

          4. The cat that I claim as mine used to spend more time next door before the old gal got herself a chihuahua. The cat befriended the dog initially, but after playtime got rough a few times, the dog shunned the cat and he decided my place was more friendly.

            I just turned on the TV to the Weather Channel, and saw an ad for [this stuff.] Wonder if it might help you?

          5. I use that stuff! I haven't bought replacements since December, I think maybe I should. And also put them where he is spraying. They are plug-ins, like Glade air fresheners.

          6. Also, re the dogs, my older dog is blind, she is really sweet, she is no threat to anyone. Oddly, she is also the boss, and all the other animals defer to her.

            The smaller dog is a five-pound chihuahua who is not very bright and can be yappy. The cats seem utterly unphased by him. He has little impact on their lives, much to his disappointment. He gets about three feet from them and erupts into: "I AM PREDATOR! FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR ME!" They just stare dully at him, which is all he deserves. Then he gives up and goes to his dog bed.

            I feel sorry for him – chihuahuas are essentially terriers, which means they have a prey drive, but he is far smaller than what he perceives as prey and he knows it. So it must be frustrating for him.

          7. Of the three dogs currently in residence next door, one is a female chihuahua, a good girl. Another is some grossly overweight dust mop of a dog that loves the sound of her own voice who likes me OK, but hates cats. The third is a very old–ancient, really–male that looks like a cross between a miniature Chow and a Chinese Temple dog. He's ugly, deaf, blind and toothless so his tongue lolls out the side of his face. The one thing he still has going for himself is his voice, and good fucking god does he use it. I think he's in constant pain and is crying out for someone to please kill me now.

          8. I don't know how else to describe her. She's the same height as the chihuahua, but too wide to fit through the pet door.

          1. I also either wasn't aware of the fact that she was Terry Melcher's mother or knew and forgot.

  4. Field report update: The maple log is gone. I am relieved because now I don't have to lift it into the trash can. It is pretty heavy to lift that high.

          1. HELL YEAH

            You think dragons are dramatic? You wonder who will claim the throne? Fuck that. WHO WILL CLAIM THE CURB ALERT MAPLE LOG

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