It called Mary a nasty woman, told Joseph to go back where he came from, built a wall around the manger, and then when you press it it sings "I'm Dreaming Of A Totally White Christmas."
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My office puts up a tree every year and we pool resources to get a really nice ornament, usually on the pricey side. For example, 8 years ago we got a really nice, hand crafted ornament from Hawaii. We liked it so much, we decided to get another one just like it 4 years later. Well, this year we all got together and chose a sedate, classy ornament from a shop in New York. My New York friends swore by their work and so we voted and chose it.
But then this red and gold POS showed up in the mail and we can't figure out why! We went through the vote hat again and we definitely voted for the New York piece with overwhelming numbers. I'm a bit worried that our manager, who thinks he's special and soooo sELECTIVE, might have gone over our heads and ordered this one instead.

It turns out we can't get a refund and now we're stuck with the ugly thing. We put it on the side of the tree facing the wall, but it must be bewitched or something because it keeps reappearing at the top of the tree every morning! We found our angel topper in the corner crying. We don't know what happened and she says she's afraid to tell us =/
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There was a blue ornament, it was smarter than this one, had a lifetime of experience, supported trees of all colors and beliefs, and (get this) was loved by two million more people than this ornament but somehow this ornament is the one on Amazon.

I'm in awe. Thanks, Amazon reviewers, for making me laugh during these dark days!