the way grief
breaks over you when you've already given all you've got
and hands you tools you don't know how to use
Snark off…that's how I felt when my father died at an unexpectedly young age. I remain convinced that his decision to retire in 2008, just before, you know, and the value of the pension that he cashed out decline by 50% contributed to his early demise.
IDK if I have learned how to use those tools to their fullest effect, but I am doing what I can to resist returning to those days with everything I can. Love you, Dad–RIP!
I heard an interview with Patti Smith a few years ago ("Fresh Air?) where she was talking about her reactions to the losses of her husband Fred and her good friend Robert Mapplethorpe. I can't find the exact quote but it went something like: You never really get over grief, you just learn to walk with the pain." That, to me, really gets to the center of how it is.
I did find this one from her, though: Sometimes you're doing really well, then, after three or four years, everything inexplicably crashes like a house of cards and you have to rebuild it. It's not like you get to a point where you're all right for the rest of your life.
Stress can bring it all back – like the stress of fools electing a genuinely stupid and corrupt man to the Presidency. It's essential to have something to grab onto to pull yourself out of the grief loop when this happens. I don't talk about it, as a matter of Policy, but I know for a fact that my dogs have gotten me up out of bed and saved my life at least once. Still.
Lost mine when I was 22, but he'd been gradually getting choked off by emphysema since I was 7 so it wasn't a shock. Not a relief either.
In all my years of working for others I was always the obnoxious employee asking the boss the ball-busting questions everybody else was thinking about but had the good sense to refrain from airing. Finally a shrink told me, "Problems with your boss are usually about your father." And once I knew that I could control it. Later a GF told me I was mad at him for leaving me so young.
So be careful, is my point here: that absence in your life can assert itself in ways you'd never expect.
Snark off…that's how I felt when my father died at an unexpectedly young age. I remain convinced that his decision to retire in 2008, just before, you know, and the value of the pension that he cashed out decline by 50% contributed to his early demise.
IDK if I have learned how to use those tools to their fullest effect, but I am doing what I can to resist returning to those days with everything I can. Love you, Dad–RIP!
I heard an interview with Patti Smith a few years ago ("Fresh Air?) where she was talking about her reactions to the losses of her husband Fred and her good friend Robert Mapplethorpe. I can't find the exact quote but it went something like: You never really get over grief, you just learn to walk with the pain." That, to me, really gets to the center of how it is.
I did find this one from her, though:
Sometimes you're doing really well, then, after three or four years, everything inexplicably crashes like a house of cards and you have to rebuild it. It's not like you get to a point where you're all right for the rest of your life.
Stress can bring it all back – like the stress of fools electing a genuinely stupid and corrupt man to the Presidency. It's essential to have something to grab onto to pull yourself out of the grief loop when this happens. I don't talk about it, as a matter of Policy, but I know for a fact that my dogs have gotten me up out of bed and saved my life at least once. Still.
Lost mine when I was 22, but he'd been gradually getting choked off by emphysema since I was 7 so it wasn't a shock. Not a relief either.
In all my years of working for others I was always the obnoxious employee asking the boss the ball-busting questions everybody else was thinking about but had the good sense to refrain from airing. Finally a shrink told me, "Problems with your boss are usually about your father." And once I knew that I could control it. Later a GF told me I was mad at him for leaving me so young.
So be careful, is my point here: that absence in your life can assert itself in ways you'd never expect.
Whoa.
That's kinda bleak…
Wow, looks like the Bay Area is getting hammered. Stay safe and dry!
ISWYDT 😉