Or this |one|

Newell's on "Slate" now. SKS disappeared after Baby K Smith appeared, apparently. Miss them both. E.g.:

“You must weigh in on this whole IPHONE BABY thing, as I know in my heart that you’ve read all this stuff, and have Concerns (or No Concerns),” wrote Editor Ken, which was completely untrue: Your former morning editor had not read this thing, because she was too busy looking after an actual baby.

There’s a whole world of things that parents are supposed to know about, like Boppies, Elmo, pertussis, the fact that day care is referred to as “school,” the fact that pacifiers are called “binkies,” and also, apparently, that iPhones are like sweet heroin for babies. It had honestly not occurred to your former morning editor to keep her kid occupied with something so expensive.

So this is the final verdict on tiny children using iPhones: Jesus fucking Christ. A human baby can amuse itself with a bottle of beer, or a rock, or any sharp object you happen to have on hand. You don’t need to hand it a dangerous implement like an iPhone.

As for Concerns, really the only Concern is that children reared by iPhones will become fat sacks of trash who can’t stand up from the toilet without getting winded, but that’s probably just our fate as a Nation.

Ha ha ha you are all so terribly bored, you people without one-year-olds, with your disposable incomes and your interest in politics.

Plus: Riley!