579 thoughts on “This is the only time I will ever link to Fox Business. There’s a debate there or something (autoplay)”
Don't worry, first round isn't until 7 and main event's at 9. Just wanted to get it up before I forgot since I'm about to deal with cooking and such. At least this time you don't need cable to watch! Just don't watch between 8 and 9, Lou Dobbs is on then.
Wait: I thought I remembered reading (too lazy to look for link, sorry) that you could stream the debate on your phone using the FOX News app? Which you could promptly delete after the freak show of course…but which should not be dependent on getting Wi-Fi, right?
Oh, so this will be the sticky for the debate snarking? I'll also be on regular Wonkette but will come here as well, since Disqus can be a real whirlpool during the freak shows. Looking forward to it already!
Part of the reason I figure we need a sticky for Wonkville is because you mentioned how bad Disqus makes it for the main site, actually. That system does not work well for over 1,000 comments.
I'm still LMFAO over Maria Bartiromo's claim (in the linky) that she's an independent. Yeah, I watched "On The Money" when she hosted that show and I saw her let enough guests pass off long-ago discredited GOP talking points without saying a word not to believe that.
Which is too bad, because when she's not on politics she can give good investment advice (one of her early books was OK.) But WTF, there are other places to go for that information…
Bartiromo being an independent is kind of like me calling myself independent. It may technically be true (in my case because the last time Ohio had a primary that mattered was when I was 17…) but completely ignores obvious political views. It's like trying to fake being moderate and the right wing would probably take it to mean that.
I think I just found the most hilarious twitter description of all time. Hilarious in a sad way but better to take it like that than be angry at someone who probably lacks the ability of rational thought.
HillarysAMurderer
PUT ME ON A LIST=AUTOBLOCK NonPC,Don't Follow if UR offended by F- WORD/ProNRA/ProCoffee/ProISRAEL NO BIO=NO FOLLOW NO LIBS/NO PORN/PROUDLY BLOCKED BY CAIR
Based on where the economy and tax rates are right now, do you think your proposed tax cuts pay for themselves? If so, how long does it take? If not, do you think the revenue losses should be offset by spending cuts, deficit-financing, or a combination of both?
Good luck getting a straight answer from any of these clowns to that sensible question!
"Please explain how your tax cuts pay for themselves." Yeah, that actually is a gotcha question. "How many times can you subtract before the number turns positive, Mr Cruz? Mr Trump? Anyone?"
Bitch, Obamacare is not unpopular with the American people. It is tied–and when you ask about specific components of Obamacare Americans SUPPORT it FFS…
History lesson, Jindal: the "largest experiment in Progressive Government in history" was from 1933 to around 1980. It saved capitalism, won a world war and created the largest, healthiest and wealthiest middle class in world history.
Can you say the same for Supply Side Economics? How's that Kansas Miracle workin' out for ya?
So, Huck: middle class wages stopped going up in the 80's. What else do you think happened in the 80's that might have affected this (hint: it started in January, 1981).
Oh, for fuck's sake, they are already whining about the moderators for tonight's main event: according to MSNBC, one of the candidates is complaining because one of the mods interned for Jimmy Carter. How long before this party turns on Saint Ronnie because he was a Democrat before he was a Republican FFS?
I'll never forget the interview that Daniel Schorr gave with Diane Rehm where he called the Gingrich House Republicans "Bolsheviks". It was dead on correct. They were enraged, of course. Thing is, it's doubly true of the moderm Republican Party now.
John Boehner was one of those Bolshys and he's been kicked to the curb as a flaming Liberal surrender monkey by this crew.
The FOX affiliate stations in Baltimore in the 90s' were laughably inept – miscues, dead mikes, queing up the wrong video clips. Only reason I watched them.
Yeah, the moderators are literally just vomiting out GOP talking points, this is going to be ugly. Different ugly than the last debate, but still ugly.
And the moderators are losing control of this debate already. What was that business about how this was going to be more substantive than the last debate, FOX Business?
I know! I was thinking that I actually almost feel sorry for the angry white wing couple that I know, who always rant at me. Although I can't really feel sorry for them too much because it's their choice to listen to this nonsense.
Rubio, we had taxes and regulations before the economy began to shift to an emphasis on high-tech, so they didn't cause the issues that the transformation has driven. WTF are you babbling about?
Obamacare is NOT crushing small busineses. And pre-existing conditions have been illegal for years, iCarly.
Geez, I'm guessing the whole evening has been full of this hooey? It's really an atrocity that the moderators are letting them prattle on and not countering them when they lie. That's what headphones and producers are for.
Ted! The Musical! Featuring such hits as "Blame Canada for Me," "You Think I'm Scary? You Should Meet My Dad!" and "Yes, My Eyes Really Are This Beady." Starring a wax figure as Ted Cruz and Edward James Olmos as Rafael Cruz.
There's some "ding" happening, and I don't know if it's the debate or some other site, since i have so many screens open, but it lends an appropriately game-show tone.
Rubio: Banks are big because of government regulations–the little banks can't fight back so they had to consolidate! The law that didn't exist until after the bailouts took place caused this, so repeal Dodd-Frank now!!!
The only use I have for the parental controls on my cable box are to lock out Fox News and Fox Business so I never, ever accidentally turn them on, no matter how drunk I am.
Well, that was certainly A Thing That Happened. The upside for me was there was no Scooter Walker present and I don't think he was ever thanked or even mentioned once. Suck it, Scooter!
Don't worry, first round isn't until 7 and main event's at 9. Just wanted to get it up before I forgot since I'm about to deal with cooking and such. At least this time you don't need cable to watch! Just don't watch between 8 and 9, Lou Dobbs is on then.
Maybe they can make this one more interesting – and useful – by hooking each of them up to lie detector machines.
don't taz me , bro…
The Stanford Prison Experiment/Republican Debates.
I so wish that could happen.
Will Megyn be there and try to get that sexist ass tehRump to squeal so high Joni Ernst will rapture?
Who would watch 2 hours of beeping?
Just went there (figured I should find it with plenty of time to spare) and that asshole is doing their pre-debate commentary as well. Hello, MSNBC!
Quick note
http://www.mediaite.com/online/rnc-reportedly-tro…
The actual wifi password at the debate is stophillary. Desperate?
Wait: I thought I remembered reading (too lazy to look for link, sorry) that you could stream the debate on your phone using the FOX News app? Which you could promptly delete after the freak show of course…but which should not be dependent on getting Wi-Fi, right?
Oh, wifi password is for people actually at the debate. Like media reporters. Unless you're in the building you don't have to worry.
Oh, so this will be the sticky for the debate snarking? I'll also be on regular Wonkette but will come here as well, since Disqus can be a real whirlpool during the freak shows. Looking forward to it already!
Part of the reason I figure we need a sticky for Wonkville is because you mentioned how bad Disqus makes it for the main site, actually. That system does not work well for over 1,000 comments.
Truly becomes a blivet.
<img src="http://www.quickmeme.com/img/8b/8bf1fc3a1f477f27a4b5e242bec6b4beb1152408397502932f2a626d5a60e26d.jpg" width="300">
What happens after that?
The mole people come out.
(tbh apparently it's just super hard to read long threads under disqus)
ah. I never read the comments over there once they switched over.
Yeah, for the live-blogging I keep the feed scroll up, but no way I'm wading into the feeding frenzy of comments during an event.
The comments are hysterical
<img src="http://cdn.meme.am/instances/20286031.jpg">
Your FOX News viewers at work!
<img src="http://i1.wp.com/paperfury.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/tumblr_inline_mp6arkh9CE1qz4rgp.gif">
"To all candidates: Will you implement TPP or terminate it when you take office?"
LorileiNPerry
1 minute ago
Whoever the nominee is, just repeat this: Hillary Clinton, the phone did ring…and YOU DID NOT ANSWER IT!
@LorileiNPerry LOL! That is a good one!
HAW HAW!!! JFC.
I'm hoping for a mix-up in the make-up, and Bartiromo looks like Pillsbury Doughboy and Cavuto like an aging Goth.
GOP Debate or Bieber? You decide.
<img src="http://media.giphy.com/media/l41m6nSC0u3IKRJMQ/giphy.gif" />
From WaPo's interview with two of the moderators:
GOP debate moderator warns: ‘Be careful about looking like whiners and babies’
<img src="http://media.giphy.com/media/4mQAsYNaFGbHG/giphy.gif">
Well, they certainly can't complain about "Liberal Media" on this one. Not with those two asking questions.
I'm still LMFAO over Maria Bartiromo's claim (in the linky) that she's an independent. Yeah, I watched "On The Money" when she hosted that show and I saw her let enough guests pass off long-ago discredited GOP talking points without saying a word not to believe that.
Which is too bad, because when she's not on politics she can give good investment advice (one of her early books was OK.) But WTF, there are other places to go for that information…
Bartiromo being an independent is kind of like me calling myself independent. It may technically be true (in my case because the last time Ohio had a primary that mattered was when I was 17…) but completely ignores obvious political views. It's like trying to fake being moderate and the right wing would probably take it to mean that.
I do wish Stana and Nathan were on though.
I think I just found the most hilarious twitter description of all time. Hilarious in a sad way but better to take it like that than be angry at someone who probably lacks the ability of rational thought.
HillarysAMurderer
PUT ME ON A LIST=AUTOBLOCK NonPC,Don't Follow if UR offended by F- WORD/ProNRA/ProCoffee/ProISRAEL NO BIO=NO FOLLOW NO LIBS/NO PORN/PROUDLY BLOCKED BY CAIR
What did coffee and the word "fuck" do to deserve this jagoff's support?
HOLD ON I FOUND A NEO-NAZI WHO THINKS THAT EVERYONE BUT TRUMP IS A FAR-LEFT RADICAL, HERE'S THAT ONE LOL
P-please follow and help secure a future for white children, Senpai.
Oh, now this is hilarious–from The Daily Beast's list of seven questions for the candidates:
Good luck getting a straight answer from any of these clowns to that sensible question!
"Please explain how your tax cuts pay for themselves." Yeah, that actually is a gotcha question. "How many times can you subtract before the number turns positive, Mr Cruz? Mr Trump? Anyone?"
Will ¡Heb! close a reply to Marco with "y su caballo también"?
OT, but from the NYT:
NY to FanDuel/DraftKings: GTFO
One of the comments used the word "nanny state", because there are still human beings that use that term unironically.
My little dog just threw up a little, and the debate hasn't even started. I may need to put them in the other room.
Oh God, the kiddie debate is starting!
The woman on the right is named Regan, so she'll probably be seen as a goddess.
What, Maria Bartiromo isn't bothering with the kiddie debate? I'll bet the four on stage are not happy about that…
Christie: well, first I want to reframe your question so I can deflect attention from the fact that I don't have a good answer for it.
Wisconsin lost a lot of jobs. Somehow it'll be called Obama's fault and not Walker's.
LOL let's blame taxes for the world changing. I wish he was a troll but he probably believes this shit.
Huck: bring the jobs back.
OK, good idea–how are you going to do so?
Huck: kill the IRS!!!
Frothy: we need more welders.
And WTF with the tie, Ricky? I'm getting vertigo here…
Jindal: SOCIALISM!!!
lmao how did this get stuck in moderation?
"Louisiana is doing badly right now, why are your plans good?"
Jindal: "LIAR WE'RE DOING GREAT, BUT GOVERNMENT IS BAD, SOCIALISM IS EVIL BLAH BLAH FOOD STAMPS"
Oh for fuck's sake, Christie, no one is seriously proposing an 80% tax rate you asshole…
"How do you fix the economy, Santorum?"
"MAKE THE WOMAN MARRY A MAN"
Holy shit, what an asshole.
And of course we get the "culture of dependency" bullshit question. I'm actually surprised it took this long…
I'm on that FOX Business link now. It's feels weird and wrong and Santorum is on blaming single Momhood on welfare and now my brain feels all dirty.
Oh christ Huckster you've suckled at the Government Teat all your adult life so fuck off
Huck: people don't want to be poor.
This passes as groundbreaking now? The Reeps' base voters are even worse than I thought FFS…
Jindal just said the Republicans were too liberal LMAO
Jindal. How's that Looseeana Miracle workin' out for ya?
Wait–did Jindal just say something about a toilet?
<img src="http://www.gifbin.com/bin/102011/1319650698_drunk_puking_fish_melon_head.gif"/>
Already.
Is that a watermelon on his head?
You act like you've never seen a drunken watermelon-fish-head guy vomiting before.
Can we send Drew Brees and Emeril Lagasse to take over the state government?
Christie: Hillary is Satan!!!
HILLARY CLINTON! DRINK!
Fuck you Christie. <img src="http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/8-26-2015/X6hTu8.gif"/>
Commercial break, thank God. My dogs are whimpering so I better reassure them that none of these assholes will be President FFS…
I wouldn't trust any one of these knuckleheads to run a corner hot dog stand alone. For
a dayan hour."No Regulations for 100 days!"
Quick, everybody, let's all go and so some crimes!
Does that mean we don't have to wear pants?
I'm burning all my socks
Fuck you, anti CFPB ad…
Ricky: let's follow the same policies that were in place when the steel industry died in my home state–that'll save the auto industry!!!
Huckabee: "Send that ugly fucking statue in the harbor back to those cheeze eating surrender monkeys."
ISIS really wants a sammich.
Huck: let's find out who the Syrians are, and then ship them some care packages and let the Saudis figure it out.
Hey, you know Who Else wanted to build encampments for refugees far away from the homeland?
Frederick Barbarossa?
FEMA?
BLAME CHINA
Christie: those Chinese hackers took my SSN. Thanks, Obama!
and Hillary!!
Good luck gettin' through that Great Firewall, Christie.
Christie wants to fly air force one over artificial islands. His foreign policy is literally just trolling everyone we don't like.
Is it almost time for the swimsuit competition?
What if Christie wins?
Air Force One? In the middle of the South China Sea?? What a stupid logistical nightmare that would be.
Yeah. Just tuned in and Huck was spitting out Syria…..I can't deal yet, but didn't *ouke*, so there's that………
Jindal: we have Republicans in the House and Senate, and things suck.
Christie: people in New Jersey call me lots of names.
Don't step to me Bobby, I'll eat you right quick.
Christie, you do realize you have 9 Republicans ahead of you to deal with first, right?
I wish Jersey would call you #666878398403, Chris
So you're saying there's not going to be a swimsuit competition?
Thank God for small favors.
Jindal: Christie let people get food stamps instead of starve, so he sucks.
I think we should eliminate all volcano monitoring in Louisiana and New Jersey.
Fun Fact: I actually built Mt. Shasta to store my special 5-alarm chili.
That's good planning.
These questions sound like they were written by the RNC at times. No wonder conservatives aren't complaining.
Bitch, Obamacare is not unpopular with the American people. It is tied–and when you ask about specific components of Obamacare Americans SUPPORT it FFS…
Get rid of Obamacare but keep your dirty Government out of my Medicare!
oooh– juice box! Oh no he dinn't
"Fool me once, shame on …shame on me. Fool me twice…you can't get fooled again."
Christie: Hillary fears me!!!
Frothy is putting himself forward as a true conservative who got elected in a blue state? Has he COMPLETELY forgotten what happened to him in 2006?
Santorum still thinks Hillary is just Bill's puppet. Good luck getting women to vote for you on that one!
The stagehands need a hook.
Jindal just called the Fox Business channel too liberal. IT HAPPENED.
Strom Thurmond?
"Admire Democrats? What a silly question!"
Huck: shut up, moderator, I'm too busy answering the question you didn't ask!
Christie: When I'm President – POLICE STATE!
REAGAN! FIGHT! DRINK!
(Is this where I mention how awesome Bruce Campbell was as Reagan on Fargo last night?)
Did he try to use "the Voice" ?
Rick Muad'derp
Wait, Democrats fight? When did this happen?
Where is this alternate universe?
Why was I not informed?
Frothy: Dems fight and we are wimps. Yeah, that'll propel Ricky's candidacy…
Well, they haven't changed my mind yet. I'm still voting for Cthulhu.
<img src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/c4/63/ef/c463ef6c9fcac2d95c492ac21b157b23.jpg"/>
Taxes! Drink!
(Actually, I'm not drinking until after the debate. Working on my self-discipline here…)
Oh good.
Closed Captioning!!
"We should raise taxes on people who can't afford it!" -the entire GOP
Jindal is probably going to drop out in the next week. He's desperate.
Did Huck just say Republicans are also to blame for something? He's toast…
Huck: do you know any Americans who are capable of not pissing their money away?
Did Huckabee claim people should decide their own tax rate? Really?
IN BED!
Jindal: big businesses don't pay taxes anyway, so why bother trying to get them to do so?
Jesus, there's more?
Huck: N.J. iz teh SUXOR!!
They're not on a commercial break, they're all trying to rush to get their juice boxes and cut the camera so we can't see it.
History lesson, Jindal: the "largest experiment in Progressive Government in history" was from 1933 to around 1980. It saved capitalism, won a world war and created the largest, healthiest and wealthiest middle class in world history.
Can you say the same for Supply Side Economics? How's that Kansas Miracle workin' out for ya?
Man, that audience sure is white.
And old.
The Fed is keeping interest rates low because they back Obama. Along with the attendant in the men's room…
Christie, Obama isn't running for a third term.
Christie: I'll take Hillary to court, so vote for me.
This bell reminds me of a spelling bee when a kid gets a word wrong.
I'm having trouble deciphering what future Jindal imagines.
I am going to make something to eat and ponder that.
Ricky: your family is a business.
EVIL GAYS ARE BAD, WOMEN NEED A MAN!
Huck, what the fuck does your wife's name have to do with Janet Yellen's performance at the Fed?
He knows the rubes.
WE NEED MOAR NUCULARS IN THE FAMBILIES
Nuke 'Em High!
Huck: wages have been stagnant for 40 years and that's the fault of Janet Yellen's Fed
So, Huck: middle class wages stopped going up in the 80's. What else do you think happened in the 80's that might have affected this (hint: it started in January, 1981).
Santorum, we don't have the best health care system in the world. Your policies will make them worse. Fuck you.
Frothy: I grew up on VA grounds.
That's nice–how the fuck are you going to address the issues that afflict the VA?
Frothy: kill VA healthcare!
Santorum grew up IN GOVERNMENT HOUSING MOOCHER!
"How do we restore the same uninformed sense of patriotism that we had back in the days of segregation?"
Who the fuck picked these moderators?
The RNC. Like they literally made sure they got moderators they liked. That's why this whole thing has been throwing softballs to the candidates.
GREATEST GENERATION, LET'S GO BACK TO THE GOOD OL DAYS WHERE WE DIDN'T HAVE TO GIVE PEOPLE RIGHTS
Hey, Huck: how about sending those worthless obese criminals you call sons off to the Army? Little discipline would do 'em good.
Christie: did I mention that Hillary sucks?
Christie: Cops can do no wrong! Let's kill all the black people, it's fine! *crowd applauds*
How do we get more patriotism for the troops? Draft Jesus!
So what did you do in the war, Christie?
The most political wars ever? What about Iraq?
Ricky is trying so hard to look tough that he reminds me of an accountant who is pretending to be a professional bodybuilder…
Woo-hoo, closing statements! Time to get the top level derps out there.
And Western PA deserves much better than you, Frothy…
Jindal: I destroyed an entire state so I could say those things dammit!
THIS Admin. has the "most politicized wars in US history"? Where were you during the George fucking Cheney Bush Administration?
Huck: I'm lucky you're allowing me to stand up here and talk.
"We don't need policies, we need more talk!"
Huck: I'll fight for kids' money.
The question was about political enemies, Christie. You're a liar.
Christie: how dare Hillary figure out that we Republicans are her enemy?
It's over–thank Jesus. I hope I can stay sober for the main event…
Since none of you want to watch Lou Dobbs, here is the unofficial Wonkville halftime show:
<img src="http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/shaq-white-suit-shaq-gifs.gif" />
<img src="http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/2008/07/0702/dancing_reptile.gif"/>
<img src="https://i.imgur.com/PKIy7h.jpg">
<img src="http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/7-shaq-lotion-shaq-gifs.gif" />
<img src="https://heavyeditorial.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/shaq-gif-2.gif?w=640">
My list of Most Disgraceful Things in this campaign season is a whole lot longer than yours, Chris. A LOT longer.
Hey, I only threw up twice. Success!
Ooh! "Thoughts and Analysis" from FOX!!!
*CLICK*
It's so nice and quiet in here and will be for the next hour. Things feel so peaceful when Republicans aren't yelling.
MSNBC is having fun ripping into them now.
We're staying here for the main event, right? I ask because Wonkette opens up a new post for that freakshow and I don't want to be left behind here…
Yeah, we'll stick with this unless anyone wants a new one.
I have a feeling that the main event will be such a big conservative fellating session that it should be marketed as porn.
Oh, for fuck's sake, they are already whining about the moderators for tonight's main event: according to MSNBC, one of the candidates is complaining because one of the mods interned for Jimmy Carter. How long before this party turns on Saint Ronnie because he was a Democrat before he was a Republican FFS?
Liberal (n.)- Anything a conservative doesn't agree with 100%.
Updated daily.
I'll never forget the interview that Daniel Schorr gave with Diane Rehm where he called the Gingrich House Republicans "Bolsheviks". It was dead on correct. They were enraged, of course. Thing is, it's doubly true of the moderm Republican Party now.
John Boehner was one of those Bolshys and he's been kicked to the curb as a flaming Liberal surrender monkey by this crew.
Here we go!
Damn, I'm surprised they didn't drape a huge flag over the crowd and roll it up..
Ugh, using the Packers for a GOP debate. brb throwing up
Wisconsin is responsible for the Republican Party? Badger State, WTF did we do to you to deserve that?
It… it was a different time. Really, really different.
Wisconsin's spirit remains strong..,unlike its economy.
Maria Bartiromo: people are talking about the economy.
Yeah, that bodes well for the quality of moderation…
Oh fuck, it's back.
Wow, Trump's cheers were not very loud compared to several of the other candidates. I'll bet he's pissed!
Rubio looks hammered.
Mme Toussard's Jeb Bush.
Hey, the spelling bee bell is back!
Crack a smile Rand. What can it hurt?
"And so we begin"
Christ, moderator, that only took five minutes to get to FFS…
Trump can't sympathize with low-wage workers because of taxes.
My county isn't green, should I stop paying attention?
Carson: people need to learn what's good for them.
Dr Carson, True or False: "If you believe it, it's not a lie" ?
Lower wages will help black people? lmao Carson's already at it
Right, Carson. Those hamburger Interns are really picking up those important workplace skills
Again with the "giveaways" line, eh? It's almost as if the Republicans don't support tax cuts for the wealthy and subsidies for corporate America FFS…
Is Rubio already sweating? It's only 9:10…
Rubio: keep minimum wages low or the machines will take over.
Moar Welders! Less Philosophers! Sounds Communist to me.
They definitely only picked that question because the guy in the picture had a cowboy hat.
Rubio: robots are cheap, so don't raise minimum wage.
How are you going to cut the deficit that went up under W and is going down under Obama, Republicans?
Holy shit, this video keeps cutting out, seriously Fox?
The FOX affiliate stations in Baltimore in the 90s' were laughably inept – miscues, dead mikes, queing up the wrong video clips. Only reason I watched them.
Well since I said that the video seems to be working so maybe that worked!
I find that yelling and throwing foam balls at the screen helps.
FOX should do a fund drive like Wonkette Industries did.
Kasich: don't believe the candidates who are polling higher than I am.
Lower everything but raise defense spending! Let's kill all the things!
"Did you want to answer the question, Kasich?"
"Argle bargle innovator argle bargle special interests!"
ZZZZzzzzzzzzz
*dingdingding*
As an Ohioan, I can confirm that he always sounds like this.
Yeah, the moderators are literally just vomiting out GOP talking points, this is going to be ugly. Different ugly than the last debate, but still ugly.
Moderator: "How will you answer this questions based on lies and false truths?"
Candidate: "Why, with more lies and false truths, of course. Also, freedom!"
Cruz: Calvin Coolidge was a fiscal genius!
Kasich : I ROCK! They SUCK!
That should light up the stage.
Did Ted Cruz just name-drop Calvin Coolidge?
Kasich: Jeb!, Imma let you finish but taxes taxes taxes!
In 2000, Clinton was president. Bush never had 4% growth. But somehow it's Obama's fault.
OK so, in a nutshell, is there anything I missed that I should know about?
No, it's just a GOP love-fest with a smattering of "EWW OBAMA AND HILLARY"
tx. Jeb seemed pretty good for a high school junior varsity debater.
Jeb is now running on erasing Obama from history.
What's the FIFTH ELEMENT , Cruz?
[ I gotta look away, dude is Creeeeee peeeeeeee ]
Jeb!: each and every thing Obama did sucks. Change it!
Seriously, does Jeb! think challenging Beavis and Butthead will get the nomination…oh, I see his point…
iCarly, the Democrats are better at creating jobs–how do you reply?
ICarly: a mother is worried about her children so the Democrats suck!
The reason she's afraid for her children's future is that she watched too much FOX news.
Zero-based budgeting? That's didn't get Rick Parry any traction–why does iCarly think it will help her?
Try that budgetary scheme on the Pentagon, iCarly. See how far you get.
Gah!! I forgot Fiorina was there.
Weirdly good Q from the bald guy.
Aqua Buddha: Democratic mayors and governors are in charge of what private sector employers pay their workers so economic inequality is their fault!!!
Let's all move to Kansas and be part of the miracle!
Well the Koch brothers basically live in New York, so, yes, Rand.
When do we get to the baby Hitler question?
Commercial break, thank Jesus.
Vow to start with the Pentagon, Carly.
@pattonoswalt 5 minutes ago
Jeb, you and the rest of the diaper monkeys on this stage couldn't beat Hilary Duff, let alone Hilary Clinton.
Patton Oswalt has become a national treasure.
Rand: Audit the FED! No Fiat Currency! Rothschilds! BILDERBERGS! IT"S HAPPENING AARRRGH
How hilarious is it that one of the ads is for a bail bonds company? They sure know the demographics of the GOP base, I guess…
Okay, that issue is off the table now…
"Carson, what about your lying?"
"BENGHAZI!!!!!!"
Carson: Hillary does it too so stop questioning me!
Oh Christ, here comes the immigration question for Trump. Hold me…
He forgot rapey rapists.
Carson: "Hillary Clinton"
Audience: "WOOOOHHHH"
Patton Oswalt's brother Matt on Twitter: |"Maria Bartiromo looks like every woman who's ever sprayed me with cologne as I walked thru Bloomingdales"|
Trump: "If you don't think walls work, just ask East Berlin…er…Israel!"
A successful wall!
Kasich trying the adult in the room approach. I don't think that'll work with the current base.
Kasich: "We hav to control our borders just like people have to control their sphincters."
Kasich: Saint Ronnie didn't build a wall so it's too late to send them all to Mexico, Trump–come on!
Trump: you're lucky that Ohio has oil.
Informative debate, this is…
And the moderators are losing control of this debate already. What was that business about how this was going to be more substantive than the last debate, FOX Business?
True. They sound scared of the participants.
They'd probably get fired if they said anything the candidates don't like. They work for Fox News, after all.
Look what they have to work with. It's like trying to build a wall with water balloons.
LET THEM FIGHT
Quick, Trump, call Kasich a 'Messican Lover'.
TRUMP JUST GOT BOOED
NO THEY WERE JUST SAYING HUUUUUUGGGGEEEEE
Were they wishing for Huckabee's two large sons to crash the stage?
I'm actually feeling stupider and less informed as the evening wears on.
I know! I was thinking that I actually almost feel sorry for the angry white wing couple that I know, who always rant at me. Although I can't really feel sorry for them too much because it's their choice to listen to this nonsense.
Wow, did The Donald just get booed? Maybe his fifteen fucking minutes are finally done…
"Senator Rubio, let me change the subject so that we mods finally regain control of this thing…"
They're not online, fucker, they're IN line.
Rubio, we had taxes and regulations before the economy began to shift to an emphasis on high-tech, so they didn't cause the issues that the transformation has driven. WTF are you babbling about?
Cruz: we shouldn't make cuts for the oldz, who vote–we should cut off the kids, who don't!
Cruz: Who cares what you said!
hmmm, Which president enacted the last amnesty?
Now the feed is screwy again.
I blame sps.
You should be glad. Cruz is being an idiot and claiming he's not from Canada.
Karen, can you stand closer to the window and hold your arms up higher?
Cruz: it's offensive to point out how we use racially coded language to discuss immigration!
SECURE THE BORDERS, says the Cuban immigrant who was a Canadian citizen until early this year.
Big businesses are cheating, how will you help the pressured small businesses that are suffering based on the law we lied about?
Maria, Goddammit, that "employers are cutting hours because of Obamacare!" line was disproved long ago…
Who helped write this bill? The Heritage Foundation.
Secret Sauce? What is this, a Big Mac?
iCarly: if insurers had a price list, health care would magically be affordable!
We've been trying the free market with health insurance for years, iCarly. Let's try single payer.
Also too, health insurance companies do publish their outcomes. The moderators should be holding her accountable for this b.s.
Maria: what's the alternative?
iCarly: Dump it on the states!
Because the blue states aren't subsidizing the red states nearly enough!
iCarly: "I've led innovative business right up to the edge of disaster!"
We never tried the free market? She really does live in an alternate universe.
Good, another break. I need to pee…or throw up…
Both!
Simultaneously!
I don't want any of Carly's Secret Sauce, tyvm.
Oh Christ, there is a BENGHAZI!!! movie?
And based on the preview, it was written by GOP talking points….
Double feature with "An American Christmas Carol".
I'm drinking hot cider and rum, for health reasons.
Obamacare is NOT crushing small busineses. And pre-existing conditions have been illegal for years, iCarly.
Geez, I'm guessing the whole evening has been full of this hooey? It's really an atrocity that the moderators are letting them prattle on and not countering them when they lie. That's what headphones and producers are for.
This is not even Broadcast News CR
There's a reason these clowns demanded the FOX business channel. This is like political T-Ball for drunken children.
Montgomery is a lone county in white again, they really don't want me watching this.
Moderator: whose side is God on?
FFS, is FOX always this ludicrous?
Oh no, it's back.
"Taxes. Stealing from God?"
Carson looks like he had too many Benadryl tablets FFS…
This is fucking awful. I think I'll butt-chug some vodka to numb the pain.
I'm smashing my head against the wall.
It helps.
God's loophole is the poophole, Ben.
The Loophole! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY
"This is America, land of idiots with dreams!"
Aqua Buddha: I like it small.
How can poor people, who by definition have no money, pay something up front to get the rebate?
"I want a government so small it can fit right in your vagina!"
Matt Oswalt on Twitter: |"Ted Cruz is like the angry neighbor in a Cheech & Chong movie."|
Oooh, Maria briefly grimaced before she remembered that she is on camera and smiled. Glad to know that she's as unimpressed by this lot as we are…
At least she asked Ted how he's gonna pay for his shit
Maria is way too nice of a name for someone that's so right-wing.
I could have been playing Zelda or something but decided to watch this. I'm a moron.
As are we all.
I could have been trepanning myself. It would have been less painful.
Hey Ted, what do you pay if you live in a tent?
Depends on the square-footage of your yurt.
I need to ask my pet yak about this.
(Ask your yak if it's ever seen the Yeti. I'm convinced they know something they're not telling us.)
Bartiromo: You haven't told us how to pay for it.
Cruz: Well, some conservative think tank said argle bargle! Look at my website!
Cruz is so theatrically earnest. He looks like he's playing himself in a Broadway musical.
And also he has such oddly delicate hands.
Ted! The Musical! Featuring such hits as "Blame Canada for Me," "You Think I'm Scary? You Should Meet My Dad!" and "Yes, My Eyes Really Are This Beady." Starring a wax figure as Ted Cruz and Edward James Olmos as Rafael Cruz.
Cruz: "I will abolish five agencies: Commerce, something, something, Commerce and HUD." That's 4, asshole!
Jeb! I'm going to fight.
Now would be a good time to get that started, Jeb!…
"Reagan Love"? Shoot me right fucking now.
Jeb!: one of my supporters is named Reagan, so you should support my tax plan.
The Department of Energy Ted, Really? You DO know they're responsible for all the nation's nuclear weapons development facilities?
Also the Department of Commerce Department also too.
And yet the Department of Redundancy Department remains untouched? INPEACH!
Moderator: Aren't you just going to raise the deficit, Rubio?
College boy: families are important.
This is all such a tsunami of nonsense. It's mind-boggling. Crazy-making.
"Family"
"Values"
Coded language anyone?
"Welfare transfer payment" Coded language anyone?
They're getting really close to forgetting to code it with this conversation.
Jeb $2300 you can start your own business.
Exactly what I said..
Aqua Buddha: Rubio's family friendly tax plan is welfare!
College Boy: if you can write off machines you should be able to write off kids!
Rubio : It takes a village……….
The Chinee are taking over the South Chinee Sea!!
Aqua Buddha: You can't pay for this, Rubio!
College Boy: ISIS!!!!!!
Rubio: AMERICA FUCK YEAH
Rubio will get some campaign footage out of that rant.
And they officially lost control of this debate.
Aqua Buddha: Enough with spending gobs on defense!
(all hell breaks loose…)
Sugar subsidies?
Wonkett's own Gary Legum on Twitter about that: |"Cruz very subtly hitting Rubio on sugar subsidies. I'm sure it went over the heads of everyone in that room."|
Rand torched Rubio.
Mods can't get a word in edgewise.
iCarly: Zero-based budgeting will solve everything!
Lightning round: Who's the biggest asshole?
AOT,K
Beat me to it.
Mod: We need to–we need to–we need to–
Trump: Shut up and let me speak!
Wah, pick me!
OOOOooooooooo , you go get those sugar subsidies Ted.
Mod: Trump, why are you against free trade when every other Republican is in love with it?
Trump: The TPP is horrible! We're being taken advantage of by everyone!!!
Trump: America is in an abusive relationship with China.
China isn't part of TPP deal. Points, Rand Paul!
Aqua Buddha: BTW, China is not part of this deal, so can you please tell Trump to STFU?
Fun fact: Cruz getting rid of what he wants would get rid of the National Weather Service as well. We could easily use that against him.
Especially today, on the anniversary of the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald due to weather
*cough*Santorum*cough*Accuweather*cough*
LOL The Fox Business Orchestra is trying to play them all off the stage.
"Can we please just go the fuck home?"
Rand: I love being an obstructionist asshole!
Finally a break. I'd be happy if I weren't wary of what conservative groups will air their ads now…
I'm getting myself more rum, before the Republicans fuck that up too.
I thought China was excluded from TPP.
In fact my understanding is that the whole point of TPP was to create one before China did.
I see that I wasn't mistaken and concur with my esteemed colleagues.
Oh fuck, they're back.
They're like herpes.
Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome
When are we going to get to the Fluoridation?
"Do you support the president's decision to…"
Anything after that, their answer will be "no."
Maria: do you support putting 50 Special Ops into Syria?
Ben: Well, they're special so it's OK.
Carson: "Hey! I know! Let's get into a proxy war with Russia in the middle east! Because reasons."
Maria: What is the issue you are going to use to generate fear among those who are panicked that America is about to be attacked?
Jeb!: Keep those refugees out!
Jeb! "We must crush the Indiana caliphate!"
I don't see the words "Climate", "Change" or the combined phrase anywhere near that word cloud. Way to pick your Twitter audience there, FOX.
Maria: How are you going to counter Putin?
The Donald: Other leaders are causing trouble too!
"Obama was mean to Mitt Romney. What do you think of that, eh?"
There's some "ding" happening, and I don't know if it's the debate or some other site, since i have so many screens open, but it lends an appropriately game-show tone.
If FOX ran this like "The Gong Show" it would be more entertaining. And Informative.
<img src="https://symonsez.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/gong-show_l.jpg" width="299" height="224" />
That would be so fantastic.
It's the liveblog — a new comment.
Thanks. It really is so perfect.
It could also be the "time" ding, which of course none of them respect.
Wait–did The Donald just say he knows Putin well because they were both on "60 Minutes" FFS?
Trump: "Putin and I were stablemates." Uh, like, Brokeback style?
Jeb!: The Donald is wrong–we have to lead the rest of the world!
The Donald: We don't know WTF we are doing out there, but we should have kept the oil and given it to our vets!
I was on break……….
How would we have kept the oil?
In chunks.
Guarded by amputees.
WE SHOULD GIVE CHUNKS OF OIL TO AMPUTEES.
What?
Chunks of oil to amputees is the Trump version of McCain's delivering hot water to dehydrated babies.
And now iCarly got a zinger in. Trump is really getting slapped around tonight…
/good
Fiorina has been studying a map of the Middle East and wants us all to know!
iCarly knows everyone.
Why the fuck is Aqua Buddha waving that pen around? Does he think it makes him look smart or tough or something?
I thought it was an EPT
Uh oh, Rand is sounding reasonable about a no-fly zone in Syria. What is happening?!
Ronnie RayGun walked away from Lebanon, too, ya idjits!
Trump interrupted iCarly to ask "why does that woman keep interrupting us?"
Trump's playing this like a WWE villain.
Trump has experience as the hero in the WWE, so I guess he wanted a change.
Rubio: Putin is a mob boss.
Rubio: Why is Obama not sucking up to Bibi?
Rubio: they hate us because girls go to school and women drive, so we better bomb the shit out of them.
Shorter Rubio: Xenophobia, xenophobia, xenophobia.
My smaller dog suddenly got very hyper while Kasich was going on about how we need to fight them there, and there, and there, and be nice to Israel!!!
CC just had that Rubio said ," He [putin ] is enfloyding our weakness "
pink enfloyding?
Does he want to put up a wall?
Wish You Weren't Here
Kasich: I have two sixteen year old girls, so God forbid Hillary should be elected!
I apologize for the governor of my state.
I feel ya, Karen. I really do.
Kasich served on the defense committee in Ukraine?
I have led this country in Washington DC and Ohio.
Whut
Congress?
"Look at the time…"
Yes–isn't this freak show supposed to end soon?
It never should have started.
Are we being punished?
I've never been so thankful to see commercials in my life.
Kasich : We need a way to defeat the democracies in the fall.
?
I hope that was a CC error.
Establish the caliphate!
|Nate Silver on Twitter:|
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CTgEIs6WcAA9GhU.png" width="310" height="229" />
Awesome
Here's a short article about some good people of Wisconsin fighting the good fight and protesting outside the debate. http://www.wpr.org/3-groups-join-forces-protest-g…
Bush: MY JOKE WAS FUNNY, LAUGH DAMN IT!
Jeb! is trying to look tough, but he just looks pissed. And did he just lose his train of thought mid-sentence?
Jeb Bush: Worst Corporate Motivational Speaker Ever.
Jeb! "They knew their barbers…" (I think he meant 'borrowers.') I prefer to keep my barbers anonymous.
Heb!: Neal Bush kept us safe
Carson: we shouldn't let big banks get big…but regulations are bad. Logical connection!
Ben: Regulations cost money. Ergo regulations are bad.
"What about the poor big banks?"
The Government made banks big, because Regulations.
Wait, what?
Rubio: Banks are big because of government regulations–the little banks can't fight back so they had to consolidate! The law that didn't exist until after the bailouts took place caused this, so repeal Dodd-Frank now!!!
Wall Street greed? Go home, Kasich–you're
drunktoastCarson utterly incoherent on bank break up.
Financial murder? Was that a real question?
Jamelle Bouie on Twitter: "Why is Jeb Bush so bad at this?
Zerlina Maxwell response: "if we knew the answer we'd be rich Jamelle."
I find the fact that Michael Bay is doing the Benghazi movie to be actually hilarious.
Dead horse act. Because Ted Cruz seems to be beating one.
He finally got off that chicken?
Oh, fuck off, Ted. Your party is all about cronyism.
We need this guy to run across the stage.
<img src="http://www.ramonesheaven.com/gigs/CJRamone120709Brasilia2.jpg"/>
ZIPPY!
Oh Christ–Cruz is a goldbug? I shouldn't be surprised, I guess…
Holy shit.
He prob advocates storing them in a mattress. Which would make him a bed bug.
In the pyramids!
It's a not a bailout, it's a LOAN!!
Cavuto: "I'll ask you again about B of A, so you can get it right this time."
Kasich: on the job training doesn't work, so look at me instead of these upstarts Cruz and Rubio!
Chaos! Mayhem! Fisticuffs!
Donnybrook!
Pie
<img src="http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2874611/pie-fight-in-blazing-saddles-o.gif"/>
Attempted stabbings!
Hijinks and Derring-do!
Kasich: stop booing me and let me come up with something coherent to say!
WAIT–did iCarly just say she wants to say something about saving jobs? LMFAO!!!!!
Fiorina will just say anything the crowd wants no matter what the truth is.
They've each carefully honed their "voice of reason" voice.
MORE questions? Maria, I thought this fucking thing was only supposed to last two hours FFS…
Carly said the B word!!!
Brouhaha?
B
U
S
H
W.
Breasts?
Bosoms!
Bazongas
Bieber?
AAAGGGHHH ITS BACK NOOOOOOOOOO
Damn herpes.
Did they laugh at the idea that Hillary Clinton had experience? The GOP is a fucking joke.
Maria: Why shouldn't we all say fuck this shit and vote for Hillary?
I guess the audience has differences with the concept of Hillary Clinton's impressive resume.
No one mentioned Scott Walker the whole time did they?
HA. I think not. Brownback, either.
My TV just went into DVR mode and changed channels. iCarly has the biggest flag pin, so I'm calling it for her.
Rubio, you want to go on about old ideas? Really? Name one issue where the GOP doesn't want to take us back to the '50's…
Twenties.
Funny, all the daily "humiliations for America" I see on the news are coming straight from the Republican party.
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/bH40JXp.gif" width="309" height="174" />
Yes.
Laws should apply to Congress too? Now I know why Cruz isn't popular among his GOP colleagues in the Senate…
Trump: make taxes less obnoxious and companies will magically bring their untaxed money back!
Tonight, we are all this cat:
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/vdLE8dJ.gif">
Purrfect.
Fuckit cat is best cat.
(Our own) Jake Cat libel!
I have one too, but he's in no way as entertaining as Fuckit Cat!
Heat goes up, heat goes down, nobody can explain it. -Rand Paul
"Democrat Party" And Rand Paul proved he was a far-right radical.
Aqua Buddha: we have to balance clean air with Kentucky coal industry executives' subsidies!
"Climate change is real so let's drill more."
Bush is so old news that he just brought up Solyndra.
HOLYSHIT CLIMATE CHANGE WE"RE TALKING ABOUT CLIMATE… oh, wait.
* Repeal Regulations
* Hey, Nature changes the climate alla time! Amirite?
*Coal. We need more coal. Because, shut up that's why.
* DRILL BABY DRILL
SOLYNDRA nice one Jeb.
Jeb!: Hillary wants to suppress the gas–I say we let it loose!
530+ comments?
WTF is wrong with you people?
Rum and a serious news addiction. You?
They often go hand in hand, in my experience.
I'm doing a study?
There's not even 2000 on FP, and there's 10,000 commenters.
Yeah, but we're way cooler.
Quality, not quantity.
Why not both?
We're cleverer.
It's the only way to handle 3 hours of GOP talking points.
Okay……..the undercard there had 750,………still …………………………….
Don't make me bring Shaq back.
Jeb: "…we gotta get to a conservation centered…" **DING**DINGDING**
"Sorry (chuckle) we have to go to a …uh…station break. Yeah, that's it."
Closing statements, thank God…
Hallelujah!
Aqua Buddha: we're rich but we're broke. Let's stop that.
Kasich: if Hillary or Bernie wins my kids might have problems.
Kasich's kids are already in trouble because their dad is Kasich.
<img src="https://media0.giphy.com/media/VVgRNcBKp64NO/200.gif" />
Thank you.
I needed that badly.
SCIENCE, BITCHES!
<img src="http://38.media.tumblr.com/07574eb36723d02ff86ca04b51ab0514/tumblr_mltx1o9UUZ1rvmkwyo1_500.gif"/>
Time for the closing statements! Here are some |.wav files| to go with them! (sorry in advance)
That's some sampling there.
iCarly: Imagine a Clinton presidency.
I am all too happy to do so…
"Under a President Fiorina…"
Fox Newz audience: "I'll be good god damned before I vote for an Eye-talian!"
<img src="http://static.caloriecount.about.com/images/medium/farina-mills-cereal-creamy-13541.jpg">
Only by injection, but still.
Jeb!: a veteran supports me so you should too.
Fairy boat?
Cruz: we'll win by avoiding pastel colors.
Cruz Presidency: "We'll paint the White House neon green and day-glo orange! It'll be FABULOUS!"
Vote for any of us, America, and this will happen to you.
<img src="https://media0.giphy.com/media/eAEIWokxUHYRO/200.gif" />
200 babies? Carson, I thought a doctor would know what a baby is.
Carson: people are on drugs right now.
(How I wish I were one of them, Doctor…)
Wow, a really uplifting message from Dr. Carson: "A bunch of people died today. Vote for me."
A bunch of people died today, Bird.
<img src="http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/muppet/images/0/03/ClassicMrSnuffleupagus.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120122051029">
Trump: I don't need a website!
Moderator: thanks, candidates, for making this shorter by interrupting each other!
Um, Hillary. Worse than Condoleesza Rice? Really?
IT'S OVER WE SURVIVED
OK, time to get the fuck out of FOX Business and back to MSNBC…
…except my dogs are giving me the "after freaking out from this circus, we have to pee!" look so I'll have to take care of them first. BBL…
https://twitter.com/puddinstrip/status/6642864640…
ahahahaha
Ever see The Dead Zone? That's all I can think about now.
I just heard a minute of so of the FOX debate reaction analysis. By mistake.
What fucking debate were they watching? It bears no resemblance at all to the one I saw.
Wow, you MUST be loaded.
I never watch FOX. There's reasons for that and now I remember why.
The only use I have for the parental controls on my cable box are to lock out Fox News and Fox Business so I never, ever accidentally turn them on, no matter how drunk I am.
Well, that was certainly A Thing That Happened. The upside for me was there was no Scooter Walker present and I don't think he was ever thanked or even mentioned once. Suck it, Scooter!
Carson's Drug of Choice: Codene cough syrup.
Nothing else makes sense.
When I was a kid, we had [Asthmador!]
Asthmador was sold in packets like cigarettes.
Over-the-counter Hallucination cigarettes. Man, those were the days.
It was sold before my time, but we had ways.
And I think I'm going to try to sleep. Hopefully I won't have nightmares about Carly Fiorina.
<img src="https://media1.giphy.com/media/EZshVIW0MmnbG/200.gif" />
<img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iUpoNBZyaBc/Sd1eUeRkI1I/AAAAAAAADQA/e_S6UgwZCfU/s320/carly-knife.jpg">
Is that magenta printer ink? That shit's expensive.
Does look kinda purply.. I thought it might be my monitor.
If you're gonna 'shoop the knife, might as well 'shoop the blood, too.
Even Hillary Clinton's campaign twitter feed is tweeting Benghazi hearing gifs:|
Okay. thanks everybody.
Y'all ROCK!
A palate cleanser: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tm6QEN7ABg
<img src="https://media4.giphy.com/media/ZlL9U0DNaOdFK/200.gif" />
OMfG shut up shut up shutup SHUTUP!
Oh. They stopped?
never mind…
Let's have fun in hell!
MTV?
Plenty of gaffes onstage to go around, I think.