Ballad of a Dumb Tarp Man
(With apologies to Sleater-Kinney and their “Ballad of a Ladyman.” Parenthetical lines adapted from “Milkshake ‘n Honey”)

Butt cream and dick cream
How ‘bout a Get Lost cream?
Nothing you do smooths out the feelings
Of being bruised
Ballad of a Dumb Tarp Man

Freak that you were
Dead in Malheur
Don’t fuck with the tough Feds
In this part of the world
Take a cardiograph
Portrait of a Dead Tarp Man

Are you holding on to your pride a bit too long?
Are you breaking all the laws?
Are you tarping all your flaws?

(This occupation gig doesn’t pay all that well but the dildos are all right!)

They say you’ve gone too far
With these ideas you’ve got but
You know you’ll make a mint
With your foster kids
And be a hit on talk radio!
Oh, temptations of a Dumb Tarp Man

You could be secure like
Men who are soft
Or boys who are fearful of
Getting a chestful
But you got a tarp!
You’d rather be a Dumb Tarp Man

How many times will you hide?
How many lies will you abide?
How much control do you have over your life?
You sat at home with an alibi
But they called you and asked you
“Why don’t you go
To Malheur?”
You’re out of control but going
To Malheur

(That fosterin’ gig didn’t pay all that well but the free labor was all right!)

Ballad of a Dead Tarp Man!

BRIL!