tbh I just linked to a random 7PM closing state, hard to pick one link when there's a lot of states. Up for grabs tonight (with closing times in Eastern Time):
American Samoa (D): 6PM
Georgia: 7PM
Vermont: 7PM
Virginia: 7PM
Alabama: 8PM
Massachusetts: 8PM
Oklahoma: 8PM
Tennessee: 8PM
Arkansas: 8:30PM
Colorado (D): 9PM
Texas: 9PM
Minnesota: Caucuses begin at 8PM, so results probably starting around 9:30 or 10?
Alaska (R): Midnight
Colorado and Wyoming Republicans are technically having a caucus but I don't think it's binding for anyone.
They say it's to let the results be seen during the night of the rest of America before people go to bed. I agree that it's strange but everywhere I looked is reporting the same time.
I got that from signing up for their Elections Digest e-mail, which they send every weekday. Perfect for those of us who obsess about this shit. Link to sign up if you're as bad as I am.
Where are the leaked exit poll results? Hannity was bragging he'd break the embargo, but listening to him for more than five minutes puts me at risk of a rage stroke.
eta : the gist, via Ggogle Samoa my dear I'm proud of you , Small minor but popular in the oceans Your traditional respect Generation brakes do not forget And let us remember Samoa your foundation of God ANSWERS admiration by peers who remain Samoana be my light and I let my life Samoa my dear , I do not forget you Landscape cushioned Si market, the sea of glass are rising in Matasaua the sun has shone all Samoans forget down Western outlook proud of my body
Hi gang, I just got home and I have a three-hour webinar that I have to attend, but I'll try to be back on afterward.
Also too, I stopped and got Sprinkles cupcakes for my next door neighbor, who just got a new job, and I stopped to do an errand and when i got back to the car, my dainty,shy little dog had opened the box and eaten the tops off all the cupcakes. I just wanted to share that with someone. Goddamn dog.
NPR used to do interviews with the Butterball Turkey Hotline (yes, that's a Thing) several Thanksgivings ago. One woman called in specifically to tell her story of wrestling the finished turkey away from the dog (out in the yard, with the everyone sitting at the dining room table), cleaning it off, disguising the canine punctures with artfully placed parsley and serving it to a blissfully unknowing family.
She probably would have eaten deeper into the cupcakes except I wasn't gone long enough. I almost also got prescription filled, but there was a line, so I decided I'll do that tomorrow and went back to the car. But if I had waited in line I'm sure there would have been precisely zero cupcakes left.
Favorite story hands down, and that includes the woman who forgot to defrost her turkey, so she put it in the oven – set to "Self Clean".
Dogs will perform the most outrageous acts of food piracy, if they can. They're particularly good at two: the Sneak and the Smash-and-Grab.
The Sneak: Years ago, made 2 dozen cranberry walnut muffins & set them out to cool. Several minutes later there was one less (didn't notice), minutes after that, one less… after about 20 minutes finally noticed about 6 were missing. Our old Lab mix, Stealth Pirate.
Smash-and-Grab: Pulled up to our friends house, let dog out (same dog) he barrels out of the car, into their front door, hurtles through their front room, into the kitchen and one motion jumps up and snags and entire loaf of bread set out on the counter to cool. Seconds elapsed and the bread was totally gone. It was awesome, and infuriating.
It also looks like Bernie is starting to pull away in Oklahoma. Still a bit too close to call but people who want a Bernie win have to like their chances right now.
Kudlow? Ex-Democrat, Ex-Coke Fiend, fell in with Art Laffer and the Supply Side Crew and became a total Trickle Down believer. Had a CNBC show where he regularly savaged everything from Krugman and Stiglitz to Climate Science.
If Kudlow "really likes it" the plan's got to be chock full of policies and assumptions that have failed dramatically and repeatedly over the past 30 years.
Wait, during Drumpf's speech, his podium said "Text Drumpf [sic] to 880[redacted]"
Now, I admit, I haven't paid attention to any "text these digits to donate here" number but, do they all start with "88" or is it just Drumpf's? Because "88" is white supremacist code for "Heil, Hitler" (because the letter 'H' is the 8th letter in the English alphabet. It makes sense to them.) So, text "FUCK YOU" to wherever.
That is just some old fashioned MN hair right there. Her mom was probably saying, "Honey, how do you think I landed your daddy? My big, dyed blonde hair."
Truth be told, most Minnesotans are of Scandihoovian descent, but, as science has decreed, natural blondes are dying out. I've never been to Tejas, but I would bet you a green-bean casserole against a Tejas brisket that there are more um, "unnatural" blondes in MN, per capita! than the great Meh-hi-cahn state of Tejas.
++
[those two plus marks were added by Jake, the Best Cat, just as I hit 'save.']
Okay, with that called I'm calling it a night. Really tired and with a headache. I'll check to see the last two results on the Republican side tomorrow.
To get everything for tonight? Maybe an hour of searching. Some were easier than others, and Colorado made me mostly want blind myself because people apparently think making jokes about a shooting is funny.
Forgot you're here in PST, and was imagining the dedication of somebody studying physics or chemistry or related stuff in night school. Years ago, though, I used to volunteer to record books for blind people to listen to, and was amazed at the stuff they'd pursue: organic chemistry, for instance, where a molecule diagram covered a whole page of the textbook.
This wasn't even close to the most suggestive thing I found for Massachusetts, which is actually quite weird. Searching sites gave me so much hilarious unrelated shit
tbh I just linked to a random 7PM closing state, hard to pick one link when there's a lot of states. Up for grabs tonight (with closing times in Eastern Time):
American Samoa (D): 6PM
Georgia: 7PM
Vermont: 7PM
Virginia: 7PM
Alabama: 8PM
Massachusetts: 8PM
Oklahoma: 8PM
Tennessee: 8PM
Arkansas: 8:30PM
Colorado (D): 9PM
Texas: 9PM
Minnesota: Caucuses begin at 8PM, so results probably starting around 9:30 or 10?
Alaska (R): Midnight
Colorado and Wyoming Republicans are technically having a caucus but I don't think it's binding for anyone.
Wait, they close the polls in American Samoa at noon local time? That seems off.
They say it's to let the results be seen during the night of the rest of America before people go to bed. I agree that it's strange but everywhere I looked is reporting the same time.
Maybe the bars are closed while the polls are open….these things have a way of working themselves out.
Does this mean there will be cheap candy tomorrow, as after every holiday?
Whatever the Carson campaign is selling will probably be available.
"Ben Carson's Manna, honey-comb candy dipped in chocolate, now 80% off!"
"Tiny pyramids filled with oats! A part of your balanced breakfast."
OT but holy shit, a GOP governor just vetoed the anti-transgender bill in SD.
https://twitter.com/tombermanap/status/7048054444…
<img src="http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/gtawiki/images/b/b3/Grumpy_Cat-Good.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130929182255">
|Holy shit also too. Florida Fracking bill dropped |
I think you can thank low gas prices for that. Hurray!
THANKS OBAMA
Hi everyone! Glad I can be here for the early part of this (and I'll be back by around midnight Eastern if there are any night owls here.)
Also, this Daily Kos linky has a good summary of important down-ballot races to watch.
Ooh, nice find. Let's hope Donald Trump accidentally shreds the GOP in other places while he destroys the top.
I got that from signing up for their Elections Digest e-mail, which they send every weekday. Perfect for those of us who obsess about this shit. Link to sign up if you're as bad as I am.
If you're wondering, I had considered some other terrible Trump-related images:
<img src="http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/058/431/d83.jpg" />
The ones you used were sufficiently disturbing.
http://www.nytimes.com/elections/results Apparently the New York Times has a page with general results for each state.
MSNBC projects:
GA: Trump and Clinton
VA: Clinton, but too close to call between TehRump and College Boy
VT: Sanders and too close to call between TehRump and Kasich
And you beat me on all of them. Nicely done!
AP projects Bernie Sanders to win Vermont.
<img src="http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/010/878/a55.jpg" />
AP also projecting Hillary Clinton to win Virginia.
<img src="http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/017/521/cf0.gif">
Georgia, too.
I just voted for Bernie at 6:45 and still have never felt better about a candidate.
Note also: All pictures were based on my finding them amusing so don't take much political view out of them
AP projects Hillary Clinton to win Georgia.
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/770/924/e42.jpg">
(her name's Georgia apparently and I didn't want to make 60 million football jokes ok)
MSNBC: late deciders in VA broke for Rubio. Could be a long night…
Where are the leaked exit poll results? Hannity was bragging he'd break the embargo, but listening to him for more than five minutes puts me at risk of a rage stroke.
It seems like American Samoa is taking its time counting up those 200 votes.
|Yay Samoa!|
eta : the gist, via Ggogle
Samoa my dear I'm proud of you , Small minor but popular in the oceans Your traditional respect Generation brakes do not forget And let us remember Samoa your foundation of God ANSWERS admiration by peers who remain Samoana be my light and I let my life Samoa my dear , I do not forget you Landscape cushioned Si market, the sea of glass are rising in Matasaua the sun has shone all Samoans forget down Western outlook proud of my body
And on that note, I have to leave to meet a potential client. FML, but I'll be back around 9 Pacific time for you night owls. Have fun, everyone!
Good luck tonight!
Bonne chance, Cally, we'll be here.
Trump's @ 50% in GA, 39% in VA. They lerve him in Dixie!
Update: A winner (projected) in GA!
It's YUGE!
Yewdge, even.
AP calls Georgia for Trump, where he currently leads 50-21 over Cruz (Rubio at 18)
<img src="http://funny-pictures-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/funny-pictures/Meanwhile-in-Georgia.jpg" />
I can't decide if that is hilarious or terrifying…
AP also has American Samoa Results. Hillary Clinton 73%, Bernie Sanders 27%. The delegate split will be Clinton 4, Sanders 2.
<img src="http://rack.3.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDEzLzAxLzIzLzYwL2NsaW50b25tZW1lLmFmZDdkLnBuZwpwCXRodW1iCTEyMDB4OTYwMD4/815eb5e2/48a/clinton-meme.png" />
1% in for VT Republicans: Rubio 30, Trump 27, Kasich 26. Could be a long night there.
12:09 Eastern and we still don't know…
Hillary Clinton wins Alabama.
<img src="http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/455/562/3e5.jpg" />
Urban camo?
When all else fails, pretend to be a pile of bricks with shorts on.
Trump also wins Alabama, and I have the best picture to describe it:
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/007/356/da3.jpg" />
Donald Trump also wins Massachusetts.
<img src="http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/045/036/003.jpg" />
Trump also wins Tennessee, and okay this picture might be just a little biased.
<img src="http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/691/334/0b4.jpg" />
Hillary wins Tennessee on the Democratic side.
<img src="http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/674/106/d41.png" />
CNN: Trump declared King of Almagatn!
lmao That sounds far too much like a fantasy place.
It's early (4% in) but Sanders leads Clinton in Vermont 89-11. If Sanders can keep Clinton under 15% he wins all the delegates.
From the only competitive state with over 10% of the votes in, Virginia Republicans (57% reporting):
Trump 37
Rubio 30
Cruz 17
Kasich 8
Carson 6
How many states has Rubio won again?
lol
I here there's an opening at MSNBC. Can we get Snowpointsecret a show?
Would I have to pretend to like Trump?
I'd get Cable TV again to watch that.
Wonkville clearly needs its own show. It would wash the taste out of everyone's mouth after they watch Joe.
But who among us is telegenic?
Uhhh…We could do it in Interpolated Rotavision:
<img src="http://i.giftrunk.com/ycjnyx.gif"/>
Problem Solved!
Remember when we used to get updates from Weekend Stock Photo people? We could do that!
Or Radiant Insights!
Hillary Clinton wins Arkansas.
<img src="http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/927/391/96e.png" />
@Taniel
Arkansas is the only state that first grants 1 delegate to every viable candidate, & only then allocates delegates proportionally.
lmao Arkansas Republican rules are crazy.
Aw, Rubio's parents will be so proud he got a trophy!
<img src="https://36.media.tumblr.com/cebfe6f41c8d8b32344d46730bcb9d43/tumblr_ntjnc4i8i31tokf5jo1_1280.jpg"/>
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/002/889/c71.jpg" />
Make R'lyeh Great Again!
THAT gets ten shrieks of utter terror.
At least this one's not animated.. Yet.
Here's my brief analysis of the past eleventy-billion and two weeks of CNN coverage of the GOP:
Pundit One: Can anyone stop Trump?
Pundit Two: Well, if they..
Wolf Blitzer: Hold on, Sippy Cupp, Donald Trump is speaking live right now in Bumfuck. Let's hear what he has to say.
Cruz @ 39% in TX, Trump @ 28%. Good that the battle will continue, but it an all-Trump sweep would be wonderful in the GOP schadenfreude department.
Required Virginia Republican joke image
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/166/048/earthquake08232011-neverforget.jpg" />
What happens if the GOPers don't nominate the guy who comes to the convention with the most delegates?
Well it'd make 2010 look like an ordinary electoral year.
Oklahoma Democrats in a close one with Sanders having the advantage so far:
19% reporting: Sanders 50, Clinton 42.
Oklahoma Republicans also close
19% reporting: Cruz 32, Trump 31, Rubio 24, Carson 7, Kasich 4
Vermont Republicans also in a close one
26% reporting: Trump 35, Kasich 28, Rubio 19, Cruz 9, Carson 5
College Boy: Oh no for 12.
Florida Man has had a really sad election.
He is Florida Man, isn't he?
I bet he's going to get over his sorrows by drunk-wrestling a gator.
Hillz: "Whether we like it or not, we're all in this together, my friends."
Oh that's going to piss off the psychotic individualists.
Trump has that demographic locked down quite nicely!
Hi gang, I just got home and I have a three-hour webinar that I have to attend, but I'll try to be back on afterward.
Also too, I stopped and got Sprinkles cupcakes for my next door neighbor, who just got a new job, and I stopped to do an errand and when i got back to the car, my dainty,shy little dog had opened the box and eaten the tops off all the cupcakes. I just wanted to share that with someone. Goddamn dog.
<img src="https://sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M14265384d6eec6d64e69c03abdedc82cH0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300" />
Yep, that's about it. Only picture them in a bakery box with the lid all tucked in and the dog gets the lid open.
Only the tops? That's a lucky break!
NPR used to do interviews with the Butterball Turkey Hotline (yes, that's a Thing) several Thanksgivings ago. One woman called in specifically to tell her story of wrestling the finished turkey away from the dog (out in the yard, with the everyone sitting at the dining room table), cleaning it off, disguising the canine punctures with artfully placed parsley and serving it to a blissfully unknowing family.
Moral: You can Still Save Them!
Turkey wrestling! That's hilarious!
She probably would have eaten deeper into the cupcakes except I wasn't gone long enough. I almost also got prescription filled, but there was a line, so I decided I'll do that tomorrow and went back to the car. But if I had waited in line I'm sure there would have been precisely zero cupcakes left.
Favorite story hands down, and that includes the woman who forgot to defrost her turkey, so she put it in the oven – set to "Self Clean".
Dogs will perform the most outrageous acts of food piracy, if they can. They're particularly good at two: the Sneak and the Smash-and-Grab.
The Sneak: Years ago, made 2 dozen cranberry walnut muffins & set them out to cool. Several minutes later there was one less (didn't notice), minutes after that, one less… after about 20 minutes finally noticed about 6 were missing. Our old Lab mix, Stealth Pirate.
Smash-and-Grab: Pulled up to our friends house, let dog out (same dog) he barrels out of the car, into their front door, hurtles through their front room, into the kitchen and one motion jumps up and snags and entire loaf of bread set out on the counter to cool. Seconds elapsed and the bread was totally gone. It was awesome, and infuriating.
Ted Cruz wins the Texas Primary. (I was totally going to use this even if Trump won there)
<img src="http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/937/360/46b.jpg" />
This is the .gif that keeps on giving.
Hillary Clinton wins Texas on the Democratic side.
<img src="http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/045/625/35f.jpg" />
An Armed Cat Society is s polite Cat Society
It also looks like Bernie is starting to pull away in Oklahoma. Still a bit too close to call but people who want a Bernie win have to like their chances right now.
smokey: "Coming up, Donald Drumpf to speak from the high-class Eastern European brothel where he met Melania."
Sanders projected to win Oklahoma.
Bernie Sanders wins Oklahoma, as CR mentioned.
<img src="http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/415/522/952.jpg" />
Cruz wins Oklahoma on the Republican side, so here's paper beating rock.
<img src="http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/038/003/a1d.jpg" />
That's scary. The photo is pretty disturbing too.
27% in for Democrats in Massachusetts. Clinton 51, Sanders 47.
Kasich might actually win Vermont o_O
43% in: Trump 33, Kasich 31, Rubio 19, Cruz 9, Carson 4
The Least Worst Republican, eh?
Christie's reading this message like a hostage under duress.
Is he blnking "ASSHOLE" in Morse Code too?
How much is he going to hate his life between now and Election Day?
Almost as much as he deserves to, I think.
Drumpf just said that Larry Kudlow thinks his plan is the best he's ever seen. Larry Kudlow.
What about Jim Cramer? Or the Motley Fool?
I'm reserving judgement until I hear what Dr. Phil thinks.
THAT DAMN GROUNDHOG AGAIN
We're supposed to get 3" of snow here on Friday. BASTARD
Congrats for getting the endorsement of some guy I've never heard of, Trump!
Kudlow? Ex-Democrat, Ex-Coke Fiend, fell in with Art Laffer and the Supply Side Crew and became a total Trickle Down believer. Had a CNBC show where he regularly savaged everything from Krugman and Stiglitz to Climate Science.
If Kudlow "really likes it" the plan's got to be chock full of policies and assumptions that have failed dramatically and repeatedly over the past 30 years.
Oh damn. So he's allergic to facts and reasoning? Just the kind of guy Trump needs!
Pin stripes. Always in the pin stripes.
Plan for what?
His "Pro Growth, Supply Side" Tax Plan.
*Oukes*
Ack! College Boy pulling ahead in Minnesota. Must be a pity vote; they're so nice.
Ted Cruz is rallying his supporters at the "Redneck Country Club"
there's a metaphor for ya.
<img src="https://www.zazzle.com/rlv/cthulhu_for_president_equality_through_insanity_car_bumper_sticker-rc72f9a7242484ec98df8f486bbd3afc6_v9wht_8byvr_512.jpg"/>
Here's how we win the South and the Midwest:
<img src="http://irregulartimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/cthulhuguns.jpg"/>
Polling Updates
Vermont R (62%): Trump 33, Kasich 31, Rubio 20, Cruz 10
Arkansas R (21%): Trump 35, Cruz 28, Rubio 25
Minnesota R (10%): Rubio 37, Cruz 27, Trump 20
Massachusetts D (61%): Clinton 51, Sanders 48
Vermont D (65%): Sanders 86, Clinton 14 (15% needed for viability)
Wait, during Drumpf's speech, his podium said "Text Drumpf [sic] to 880[redacted]"
Now, I admit, I haven't paid attention to any "text these digits to donate here" number but, do they all start with "88" or is it just Drumpf's? Because "88" is white supremacist code for "Heil, Hitler" (because the letter 'H' is the 8th letter in the English alphabet. It makes sense to them.) So, text "FUCK YOU" to wherever.
AUGH TED CRUZ IS SPEAKING BBBLLLLUUUURRRRGGGHH
New England can keep Kasich if they want him, those of us in Ohio won't complain.
Sanders up 59-41 in Minnesota, 18% reporting.
Trump wins Arkansas
<img src="https://sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M3411ecc209dfb37bda613851d7e42c54o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300" />
Fucking robot bridge partner motherfucker!!!!
Rubio says he would have won if he didn't have to run against other people. He is just adorable.
Dave Estes ·
Washington, District of Columbia
What's this a Second Place showing for Kasich!
That means that Rubio will have another Stunning Third Place Victory! Someone stop this guy before he hurts himself with all this winning.
Bernie Sanders wins Colorado.
<img src="http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/developing-story-taco-bell-plans-700-percent-expansion-in-colorado-washington.jpg" />
OH MY GOD A MIRACLE HAPPENED! MARCO RUBIO WINS MINNESOTA!
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/857/084/c9f.png" />
That is just some old fashioned MN hair right there. Her mom was probably saying, "Honey, how do you think I landed your daddy? My big, dyed blonde hair."
Truth be told, most Minnesotans are of Scandihoovian descent, but, as science has decreed, natural blondes are dying out. I've never been to Tejas, but I would bet you a green-bean casserole against a Tejas brisket that there are more um, "unnatural" blondes in MN, per capita! than the great Meh-hi-cahn state of Tejas.
++
[those two plus marks were added by Jake, the Best Cat, just as I hit 'save.']
I approve of your post, mostly because the cat typed on it and you left it there.
Never delete what the cat posts.
Wonkville is still bookmarked on my Chrome bookmark bar as "ccccccccccx" because Jake made it so.
Somehow.
(He is also, apparently, obsessed with source code and filter keys. Don't ask me how he knows.)
Ha, I know David Ferguson.
Me when watching Vermont and Massachusetts results
<img src="http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/935/597/ab6.gif" />
Yer doing a helluva job here sps.
Thanks! I have a massive headache so once they call MA (likely soon, votes are 89% in) I'm going to sleep.
Bernie wins Minnesota quite easily. (bad pun alert)
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/776/674/6ad.jpg">
Woot!
I don't understand this pun at all. Tiny bubbley sodas? Also, too, where's the Holi-Pop? (Forget searching for it. I've already tried. 80s MN thing.)
Mini-soda
Oh! From the land of sky blue waters…
<img src="http://ivyenvy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/ham-0011.jpg">
Massachusetts has been called for Hillary Clinton after a long night there.
<img src="http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/225/564/1325212302881.jpg" />
Okay, with that called I'm calling it a night. Really tired and with a headache. I'll check to see the last two results on the Republican side tomorrow.
You've kicked ass.
Brownie, you've done a heckuva job.
Finally back–is anyone still here?
|They're back|
I just got here, but I'm actually also about to sign off.
Oh Christ, MSNBC projects Vermont went to TehRump.
Kevin Robillard Verified account
@PoliticoKevin
BREAKING: The RNC has decided that the Minnesota caucuses are worth 5,712,743,234 delegates.
That's about everyone on the planet except for Uruguay.
OK, so my webinar is over. Anything specific I should know about?
http://www.usatoday.com/news/
That |Scott Walker| story on there is priceless.
Well, we can all rest easy knowing that…..
[ sob ]
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/035/769/fba.jpg" />
To get everything for tonight? Maybe an hour of searching. Some were easier than others, and Colorado made me mostly want blind myself because people apparently think making jokes about a shooting is funny.
English as a second language?
Forgot you're here in PST, and was imagining the dedication of somebody studying physics or chemistry or related stuff in night school. Years ago, though, I used to volunteer to record books for blind people to listen to, and was amazed at the stuff they'd pursue: organic chemistry, for instance, where a molecule diagram covered a whole page of the textbook.
Who called it for Trump?
This wasn't even close to the most suggestive thing I found for Massachusetts, which is actually quite weird. Searching sites gave me so much hilarious unrelated shit
Don't forget Vulgaria and Lower Revoltia.
Yeah I was thinking the graphics department there could use a boost.