28 thoughts on “Ladies, He’s Single! (And Hopefully Dies Alone)

  1. I imagine a scene where I'm waiting in an airport and a stranger tells me this story. At the end I say, "I'm sorry, I wasn't really listening. Were you talking to me?"

    [ yeah, I skipped a lot to find the gist, then left ]

    1. "Wah, my wife left me just because I cheated on her multiple times and pretended I wanted an open marriage and also thought it was more important to go to Burning Man than be with her when she miscarried and obviously that just means monogamy doesn't work."

      Are all Canadians this insufferable or just the ones from Western Canada?

      1. If it was a choice between "console a stranger over a miscarriage" or "go to Burning Man", I would not hesitate to choose the former.

  2. Stopped right here: "There is no easy way to masturbate into a small plastic container." tn*/dr

  3. COTD-

    "Truth be told, I don’t actually masturbate very often…"

    I'm assuming you're not including your writing in your totals here.

  4. I read the whole thing, and, honestly, my favorite part is when his ex texts him that she had (her new man's) baby and his reply was:
    “So this is love. The willingness to be broken, again and again.” Then I add “Sending blessings upon your new life.”

    Like, seriously, Christ What an Asshole should be on his tombstone.

    1. Does an annoying hippie hipster force the wife who really wants him gone to go to a cabin by the lake and spend an insufferable weekend doing a "parting ceremony" in the woods (where bears shit)?

      1. Perhaps the reason the missus and I are still together is I don't force her to go camping? I see where you're going with this…

  5. What kind of an editor lets a story like this get posted- at least without a disclaimer saying something like "don't read this, he's really fucked up, unless you want to appreciate how nice your partner really is"?

  6. I was prepared to feel a little sympathy for a guy that wanted kids but was unable to have them, but any lingering goodwill was torpedoed after reading this self-indulgent and passive-aggressive hipster drivel. Oy.

    1. Wait, it's "honorable" to wait until you take your huge bonus and leave on vacation to give your notice? The working world has changed. (Also, really love how the father of these children is entirely a non-person to this twit.)

  7. After pondering further, I question the veracity of any of this story. I mean who does that, then writs about it?

    1. If it's legit, he should let any potential romantic interest read this on the first date. It'd save everybody a lot of time and angst.

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