19 thoughts on “Week 10 is Full of Dancing Bears and Dire Predictions”
Predictions:
The Vikings will lose out and end the season 5 and 11. (Honestly, I predicted this when they were 5 and 0 and had their bye week. Smokey's my witness.)
The Packers will win the NFC North and lose to Atlanta in the playoffs.
The Iggles will have one game where one wide receiver gains 100+ yards, while also giving up 100+ yard games to 3 of the opposing team’s receivers. Ryan Mathews will cough it up on a crucial 4th and 40, prompting Phans to pelt the entire team with 48 oz. tubs of Crisco and sticks of butter left over from Thanksgiving.
Think of a player you like, maybe one not on your favorite team, but one that makes you say, "Damn, that guy's good." He will be killed by a rampaging hippopotamus that escaped from a nearby zoo.
Giants' kicker Robbie Gould will kick and shatter both of Odell Beckham Jr.'s knees after Beckham Jr. breaks the kicker's practice net by repeatedly jumping on it. Then Gould will take a dump in Beckham Jr.'s helmet because you don't mess with the kicker's shit, man.
Cleveland’s only win of the season will come against the Chargers on a last second interception and Phil Rivers will explode in rage, killing the entire San Diego team, including the coaching staff, which will really cut down on moving costs when they move to, oh, I don't know, Wichita.
Raiders fans will refuse to leave Oakland Coliseum after the last home game and will continue to occupy it for decades, which will come to be known as “Oak-upy the Coliseum” or something equally unimaginative and dumb.
Arizona will miss the playoffs because Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald both die of old age.
The Jets will continue to exist and be considered a professional sports team. So will the Dolphins.
(Cally, don't read this one.) The Stillers will lose to the Patriots in the AFC Championship game after Pigpen Rapist-burger comes down with the first recorded case of Sudden Onset Acute Super Syphilis Hanta-Orenthal Leprosy in Extremis (SO ASSHOLE) and his dick falls off and he goes blind.
Seattle will win everything, except…
The Super Bowl, which the Patriots will win AGAIN because newly inaugurated President Vomit is a close personal friend of Tom Brady and will make it so.
I will never refer to President Vomit by anything other than President Vomit, Mr. Vomit, just Vomit, Lord Vomitmort, or Rear Admiral Vomit of the USS Shitty McShitship because that's what he and this country make me do every time I think about the fact that we elected this Vomit.
Enjoy the games! I'm gonna nap for the next four years. Someone wake me when President Elizabeth Warren gets sworn in. kthxbye.
Predictions:
The Vikings will lose out and end the season 5 and 11. (Honestly, I predicted this when they were 5 and 0 and had their bye week. Smokey's my witness.)
The Packers will win the NFC North and lose to Atlanta in the playoffs.
The Iggles will have one game where one wide receiver gains 100+ yards, while also giving up 100+ yard games to 3 of the opposing team’s receivers. Ryan Mathews will cough it up on a crucial 4th and 40, prompting Phans to pelt the entire team with 48 oz. tubs of Crisco and sticks of butter left over from Thanksgiving.
Think of a player you like, maybe one not on your favorite team, but one that makes you say, "Damn, that guy's good." He will be killed by a rampaging hippopotamus that escaped from a nearby zoo.
Giants' kicker Robbie Gould will kick and shatter both of Odell Beckham Jr.'s knees after Beckham Jr. breaks the kicker's practice net by repeatedly jumping on it. Then Gould will take a dump in Beckham Jr.'s helmet because you don't mess with the kicker's shit, man.
Cleveland’s only win of the season will come against the Chargers on a last second interception and Phil Rivers will explode in rage, killing the entire San Diego team, including the coaching staff, which will really cut down on moving costs when they move to, oh, I don't know, Wichita.
Raiders fans will refuse to leave Oakland Coliseum after the last home game and will continue to occupy it for decades, which will come to be known as “Oak-upy the Coliseum” or something equally unimaginative and dumb.
Arizona will miss the playoffs because Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald both die of old age.
The Jets will continue to exist and be considered a professional sports team. So will the Dolphins.
(Cally, don't read this one.) The Stillers will lose to the Patriots in the AFC Championship game after Pigpen Rapist-burger comes down with the first recorded case of Sudden Onset Acute Super Syphilis Hanta-Orenthal Leprosy in Extremis (SO ASSHOLE) and his dick falls off and he goes blind.
Seattle will win everything, except…
The Super Bowl, which the Patriots will win AGAIN because newly inaugurated President Vomit is a close personal friend of Tom Brady and will make it so.
I will never refer to President Vomit by anything other than President Vomit, Mr. Vomit, just Vomit, Lord Vomitmort, or Rear Admiral Vomit of the USS Shitty McShitship because that's what he and this country make me do every time I think about the fact that we elected this Vomit.
Enjoy the games! I'm gonna nap for the next four years. Someone wake me when President Elizabeth Warren gets sworn in. kthxbye.
Now THAT is an epic post, and I'm not even a football fan. Well done, sir.
+8 is way too low of a score for this post.
Thanks. For the record, smokey came up with the Iggles and "Oak-upy the Coliseum" bits.
When all else fails, sometimes a little dark humor can help.
That was a strong job by Smokey as well. Good job, you two!
and a "well done" to your fine partner as well. Full credit.
After the way my home state voted, I'd just as soon the FUCKING Ravens got the AFC North, the end.
HAH! Excellent.
Between the link and cmdr's comment , almost feel not horrible.
Damn, forgot to set up my team again this week.
BEARS!
wtf the Packers suck
Weej is in the southern hemisphere. The force is not strong enough
Swirling backwards. I think I see the problem.
Equinox? Balance an egg?
Things could actually be [bad] down there.
My defense has given up 28 points in 21 minutes rip
Ref in Philly game: Half the distance to the goal and a new try.
smokey: I heard 'Half a Super Bowl and a neutron!'
no charge?
I'm positive.