Football is still a thing? I remember there being something about a Detroit cats thing and a Transformer paired up with a hot Nickelback, but I thought it was just a fad.
The NFL/Fox is doing a big thing for the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. The 74th anniversary. That seems very random. Wonder how much the Army is paying them.
Was out for a smoke. So.. ugh.They did an Army remembrance of Pearl Harbor a month before the actual 74th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, when everyone who died in that were Navy. That is holy shit stupid.
No, they did a 2 minute advertisement for the TWO HOUR Salute to Pearl Harbor that they are planning for December 6 (which, I am not a history expert, but I feel like that's not the day that FDR talked about?).
December 6th is my birthday. December 7th 1941 is a date which will live in infamy. December 6th unleashed a really terrible person into the world, but not Pearl Harbor level terrible.
Good news, the NFL is doing a two hour salute to you!
"Hey I know! Let's do this big thing for Pearl Harbor on the wrong day! That will totally cover up that the DOD is paying for this shit!"
The worst part is that they really played up that they were doing it on 12/6, with no reference to the actual date of the attack. I'm pretty sure by next year you will have to argue at length to convince people that the Pearl Harbor attack actually happened on 12/7. But, congrats, your birthday is now the official NFL-approved Pearl Harbor Day!
Pierre-Paul was reportedly spotted Wednesday lurking in the sewers below MetLife Stadium
I don't hate LA. It's just that the Spanos family, which owns the Chargers, wants a $500M contribution from the taxpayers to build a new stadium. They could take the team to Schenectady or Portland or Honolulu or any place else, as long as our civic leaders and citizens can be educated to think of San Diego as a worthwhile place regardless of which sportsball teams call it "home."
Back-to-back awful games coming out of the bye? Yeah, my hope for the Packers has gotten a lot lower lately. I've never looked forward to a game with the Lions more than I am now.
Whew! If the Vikings had lost that game because Teddy got knocked out I would have been soooooo very pissed. I thought Vikes' coach Mike Zimmer was going to punt Rams' coach Jeff Fisher after the game. (He should have.)
(Psssst… by the way, the Vikings and Packers are now tied for first in the NFC North. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.)
Better idea: Get the TD to Cobb and a conversion to tie the game, getting 6 bonus points for going over 100 yards (he finished at 99 ffs), then Packers get a stop in OT then kick a field goal to win and get your kicker those points. Win-win?
Vikings would still control their own destiny since they can beat the Packers twice, for what it's worth. It won't happen that way, of course, but you can still dream 😉
Give me one week to relish! My QB might be dead by now! (Please, no, come back Teddy! You're our only hope!)
Taking that same hand he had just used to sexually harass my mother, he goes over to the vat of mashed potatoes and scoops up a fistful. Then he goes to the gravy vat, dips his bare-handed potato fist in there, and licks it all up. One napkin later and the visit was over.
OT: ZOMG, Ben Carson posted "proof" of that Most Honest student story on his facebook page… and it turns out it was an April Fools prank by Harvard that he fell for, and still doesn't get: https://www.facebook.com/realbencarson/photos/a.1…
I don't think this can get funnier.
JFC I break my no-football-watching-vow just in time to see some Bronco named Taliban egregiously poke one of the Colts in the eye, on camera, eliciting a penalty that snuffs any chance at a comeback. Nice one, idjit!
Couchgoats down 29 before the Monday night game, really unlikely to come back from that. Good game, pretty amazing to put up a score where 10 TDs aren't enough to be close to it.
Hi everyone–just got back from Santa Barbara and I'm just now getting caught up.
Also, too: you know when your team has a season when they are doomed to suck, but they at least win the game against that rival, so you don't feel quite so awful? Yeah, that…
I am really hoping that Landry Jones is a decent human being and that he can play well enough to start. IF that happens, my Steelers license plate frame goes back on my car (I took that the fuck off after the Vick signiing) and I will start wearing my team's shirts again…
Yeah, what the announcer said…but if the NFL were really going to get fucking serious about domestic violence–fuck, about violent criminals on team rosters in general–it would have done so after Ray Rice. Fewer feel-good PSA's and more suspensions and bans would be more like it, Goodell…
Damn, I wish Onion articles included the author in the byline…
It's so weird to look at the fantasy match-up and see Aaron Rodgers on the other side. Please don't kill me too much while you beat the Panthers?
Football is still a thing? I remember there being something about a Detroit cats thing and a Transformer paired up with a hot Nickelback, but I thought it was just a fad.
Don't be silly, Detroit doesn't have football. That was just a play they did for George Plimpton back in the '50s. Hockey, you guys have hockey.
https://youtu.be/ZnsXqAKCzPg
Every time I listen to that, I choreograph a whole thing in my head. It involves a lot of spandex and gold lame.
The NFL/Fox is doing a big thing for the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. The 74th anniversary. That seems very random. Wonder how much the Army is paying them.
Either a lot or the NFL just forgot how to count.
The schedulers were bombed.
Was out for a smoke. So.. ugh.They did an Army remembrance of Pearl Harbor a month before the actual 74th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, when everyone who died in that were Navy. That is holy shit stupid.
No, they did a 2 minute advertisement for the TWO HOUR Salute to Pearl Harbor that they are planning for December 6 (which, I am not a history expert, but I feel like that's not the day that FDR talked about?).
December 6th is my birthday. December 7th 1941 is a date which will live in infamy. December 6th unleashed a really terrible person into the world, but not Pearl Harbor level terrible.
Good news, the NFL is doing a two hour salute to you!
"Hey I know! Let's do this big thing for Pearl Harbor on the wrong day! That will totally cover up that the DOD is paying for this shit!"
The worst part is that they really played up that they were doing it on 12/6, with no reference to the actual date of the attack. I'm pretty sure by next year you will have to argue at length to convince people that the Pearl Harbor attack actually happened on 12/7. But, congrats, your birthday is now the official NFL-approved Pearl Harbor Day!
Pierre-Paul was reportedly spotted Wednesday lurking in the sewers below MetLife Stadium
Did he run into zombie Jimmie Hoffa?
<img src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/fd/a3/91/fda3919e11708e905f4bf89bd2c45b0a.jpg">
Jimmy Hoffa is D.B. Cooper and living in Havanna. My friend Fizzy totally schooled me on the subject when we were high as hell on edibles.
All right, when the Panthers are undefeated and every analyst is picking them, how are they the underdogs?
Really. I'm just glad Bradshaw picked the Rams over the Vikes. That means the Vikings are a lock!
Mayhaps 538 and the other handicappers know something of which we average rubes are ignorant?
<img src="http://www.cruxnow.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Briefcase.jpg" width="250">
Visiting a friend so will miss the early games. Have fun and I'll see you all tonight!
"Salute to Service Sunday" in honor of Veteran's Day? Your tax dollars at work.
Wow, Monday night (San Diego/Chicago) looks like a snooze fest. Go Chargers!
No, really, I'm serious: go to Carson, soon!
Do. Not. Want.
Not because it would affect me so much: I'm #steelersforlife. I just don't want San Diegans to hate LA more than they already do…
I don't hate LA. It's just that the Spanos family, which owns the Chargers, wants a $500M contribution from the taxpayers to build a new stadium. They could take the team to Schenectady or Portland or Honolulu or any place else, as long as our civic leaders and citizens can be educated to think of San Diego as a worthwhile place regardless of which sportsball teams call it "home."
I'm with you there: San Diego is a lovable city for about 100,000 reasons, none of which involve sportsball…
Oh, this Packer game is painful.
Back-to-back awful games coming out of the bye? Yeah, my hope for the Packers has gotten a lot lower lately. I've never looked forward to a game with the Lions more than I am now.
We have to beat the Lions. Vodka will never let me live it down if we don't.
We must beat the teams of all the Wonkville members!
The total GB rushing is sad. Eddie Lacy, my first pick, sadder still.
Current feelings about the Packers game:
<img src="http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/852/135/3a8.jpg" />
I am turning it off out of fear I am jinxing them. Also, because the dearth of beer and Viagra ads on Sky Sports is weirding me out.
Watching on FOX… There's an odd lack of beer and Viagra ads there, too. But maybe I'm just too annoyed and not paying attention to commercials.
Are there at least DraftDuel ads up the wazoo?
ButtDuel. ButtDuel and FartKings.
Turned it off, Pack immediately score TD. Guess I really was jinxing them.
Did you start watching at the end? That might explain that 4th and goal play.
They may have flashed it up on RedZone without me realizing it because I was in a fetal position. I take full responsibility. My bad.
I think Teddy Bridgewater was clinically dead for a bit there.
That hit was fucking sickening. I hope that fucker gets suspended forever.
The Rams Defensive Coordinator was with the Saints during Bountygate. That makes this look even worse.
Seriously?! Fuck! He and his entire fucking family should have been banned from football for life, along with everyone else involved.
Just seen it on youtube…… fucking hell. Talk about headhunting.
Whew! If the Vikings had lost that game because Teddy got knocked out I would have been soooooo very pissed. I thought Vikes' coach Mike Zimmer was going to punt Rams' coach Jeff Fisher after the game. (He should have.)
(Psssst… by the way, the Vikings and Packers are now tied for first in the NFC North. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.)
(SILENT SCREAM)
It's okay, Packers get the Vikings twice, they can settle it soon enough. Also a Lions game is coming up so that'll help get things back on track.
A game against the Lions is always satisfying to a team's ego.
I KNOW, RIGHT! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEStsLJZhzo
Just saw the clip–fuck that was dirty, Glad that the Vikings' coach called out the Rams' DC FFS…
THEY WERE THAT CLOSE FFS
Why didn't they kick a field goal at the end to give my kicker three more points?!
Better idea: Get the TD to Cobb and a conversion to tie the game, getting 6 bonus points for going over 100 yards (he finished at 99 ffs), then Packers get a stop in OT then kick a field goal to win and get your kicker those points. Win-win?
Brilliant! Just make it a 50+ yarder in OT and you've got a deal.
Wait, that would mean that the Packers win. No, sorry, deal's off. 😉
Vikings would still control their own destiny since they can beat the Packers twice, for what it's worth. It won't happen that way, of course, but you can still dream 😉
Give me one week to relish! My QB might be dead by now! (Please, no, come back Teddy! You're our only hope!)
In other news, my fantasy game is all kinds of absurd today.
Mine, too, but not in a good way.
Antonio Brown, Pit
Oak, Final
284 YDS, FUML
34.6
Wow. Just wow.
Smokey's TE (from Tennessee, even!) scored more than 23 points!
Whoa, unexpected point source! Maybe Tennessee finally has a real NFL team again!
They did beat the 'Aints today, which might mean something? (I really don't care about the South divisions in either conference.)
When did FLEENER become such a hair farmer? Can't wait for the shot of him dousing his glorious locks.
It's all the spinach, it's done wonders for his hair.
Looks like a good one. Go Mighty Couchgoats! (Sorry, monk.[I screwed that up the first time.])
SparkleKarens vs Scrapple Heap looks like a good one, also, too. It might come down to the Iggles D/ST.
Denver, being down 17-0 to the Colts doesn't make me feel better about last week.
FLEEN- wait, Doyle? Who the fuck is Doyle?
Rank these three Sanders: Bernie, Colonel, Emmanuel
1. Bernie!
2. Emmanuel
3. Kernel
Wait, is this one of those Fuck, Marry, Kill things? Cuz, uh…
Also, too, Black & Decker 0.5‑Amp Detail Power Sander MS800B libel!
If it's a fuck, marry, kill, then…
<img src="http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/032/615/cd8.png" />
Co-signed. Also, scroll down to the last one: http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/stories-of-celebri…
Taking that same hand he had just used to sexually harass my mother, he goes over to the vat of mashed potatoes and scoops up a fistful. Then he goes to the gravy vat, dips his bare-handed potato fist in there, and licks it all up. One napkin later and the visit was over.
Should I laugh or be disgusted? Or both?
Finger lickin' good!
Then the hand dropped and he just casually rested it on her ass like no big deal.
Mom?
(I wish I was kidding. My mom has always had the creepy habit of putting her arm around my waist and her hand gets a little too low, IYKWIMAITYD.)
OT: ZOMG, Ben Carson posted "proof" of that Most Honest student story on his facebook page… and it turns out it was an April Fools prank by Harvard that he fell for, and still doesn't get: https://www.facebook.com/realbencarson/photos/a.1…
I don't think this can get funnier.
All these people believe him too, holy shit some people are dumb.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bernie-sander…
Bernie, this is not the time…
Also, AFAIK, Ben Carson doesn't have any policy ideas except "handwavey whatever the GOP platform tells me I'm for" All he is is his biography.
OT but omg there's an anime with a girl named Karen in it and she's so cute
<img src="http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/982/810/f4c.gif" />
I believe they call that eating.
The Japanese have a different word for everything!
<img src="http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/339/808/122.png" />
No, |this| is eating.
Blaine Gabbert is apparently the answer.
Fuck knows what the question is.
JFC I break my no-football-watching-vow just in time to see some Bronco named Taliban egregiously poke one of the Colts in the eye, on camera, eliciting a penalty that snuffs any chance at a comeback. Nice one, idjit!
Never trust the Taliban.
Couchgoats down 29 before the Monday night game, really unlikely to come back from that. Good game, pretty amazing to put up a score where 10 TDs aren't enough to be close to it.
After failing miserably recently, I'm gobsmacked to be ahead against the leader of the league. Maybe Bachmann's right and |Jesus is coming soon|.
Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. No, wait, don't.
Smokey just said, during the Cowboys' kickoff, "Please just field this cleanly." That's how low her expectations are.
Hi everyone–just got back from Santa Barbara and I'm just now getting caught up.
Also, too: you know when your team has a season when they are doomed to suck, but they at least win the game against that rival, so you don't feel quite so awful? Yeah, that…
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSue1QlDzYrD9t96H0zVSzqJcYl2rJCWtzsZB1qhLRbIlNgZ7iFvw">
Karma does seem to be catching up with your QBs, though. (Although I guess real karma for Ben would be a severely torn groin muscle.)
I am really hoping that Landry Jones is a decent human being and that he can play well enough to start. IF that happens, my Steelers license plate frame goes back on my car (I took that the fuck off after the Vick signiing) and I will start wearing my team's shirts again…
Yeah, what the announcer said…but if the NFL were really going to get fucking serious about domestic violence–fuck, about violent criminals on team rosters in general–it would have done so after Ray Rice. Fewer feel-good PSA's and more suspensions and bans would be more like it, Goodell…
/you can start with Pig Pen
/FFS