32 thoughts on “Medical report

  1. At 7 feet tall, Mr. Trump is our tallest President, and at just 200 lbs, with body fat of 0%, he is undoubtedly the fittest President, or indeed sovereign or head or state of any kind, in world history. While Mr. Trump is 70 years old, we assess his physical condition to be that of a 25-year-old elite athlete. His dedication to triathlons, daily weight training, and heavy cardio leaves his cadre of former Navy SEAL physical trainers shaking and exhausted, awed by his sheer endurance and power. As one told us during the preparation of this report, “Mr. Trump could easily complete BUDS/S tomorrow, then do the SFAS course simultaneously with the USAF Pararescue program, and then pass SERE with flying colors.”

    ….When testing Mr. Trump’s mental fitness, we discovered he had not only memorized the Code of Federal Regulations but could extemporaneously recite it in the form of a medieval French chanson de geste.

  2. I would just like to add, because this is the Internet and I feel more comfortable saying this here than in real life, where I would sound like a whining hypochondriac, that today, unlike Donald Trump, I myself am not in good health, I am in fact in sucky health and have a terrible, embarrassing cough that sounds and feels like I will hork up my pleura and spoil everyone's lunch.

    It really is a horrible cough and seems to be a bug going around, but honestly it's embarrassing and a co-worker brought me over cough drops so it must sound terrible to everyone else, too and they probably wish I would shut up or go home.

    This has been an indulgent report on my cough. Now back to your regularly programming.

    1. The cough is all over. It has been related to me that an engineer at Ratheon is sure it's caused by chemtrails.
      Feel better now?

      1. Yes, I do. It's reassuring to know government contractors are behind this. They must adhere to stringent standards.

    2. You know, my former fiance in Ventura tells me that errbody is coughing up a lung and it has something to do with toxins from the Thomas Fire.

      Oh gawd [THIS!]

      Hope you get well soon!

          1. I took my car in for an oil change about a month ago. He said it needed a new air filter. The filter wasn't all that old. But pretty much every car he's seen since December has needed new air filters.

          2. Yeah, that makes sense. Soot gets into everything. Good thing you have filters or that shit would be in your engine, grinding it to shit. Too bad lungs don't come with 'em.

    3. There's a lady I know…. wait, there's a lady I work with (temporarily, thank the stars) who, daily, sounds as though she coughs up a lung. Perhaps she has hydra lungs? Not sure. One afternoon I heard her say to another coworker, "See you in the morn- [HACKCOUGHHACH] morning. Better have [HACKHACKHACKHACKCOUGHWHEEZECOUGH] a smile [HACK] on your face!" And the tone was so mournful I felt like no one would ever have a smile on his or her face ever again.

      This has been an indulgent report on what passes for life while keying data entry at the AZ Dept o'Revenue.

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