I haven't seen her Instagram, not sure I want to, but whenever I see snippets of it on Twitter I think of Uma Thurman in this scene from The Producers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zY1orxW8Aw
Oliver Willis
@owillis
Referring to the coronavirus, Trump says he was told by China's President Xi, "By April, during the month of April, the heat generally kills this kind of virus, so that would be a good thing."
I hope not. Rented a 200 year old stone farmhouse years ago that had those in awful windows. It was a nightmare.
They do make good anchor weights for sampling gear though.
Had them in the house I grew up in.
Nowadays people use buttered monkeys.
They're easier to get out of the walls after the rope breaks.
Not houses around here
Never caught-on out west I reckon.
The house I grew up in had them, built in 1954. The house I live in now had them until I upgraded 2 years ago. The new ones are vinyl-clad, triple-glazed and nitrogen filled. They cost more than the house I grew up in, and my own first-bought home.
I have trained a neural net on a crowdsourced set of vintage jello-centric recipes
I believe this to possibly be the worst recipe-generating algorithm in existence
Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EQMrV37U8AAmGDG?format=jpg&name=small">
I could make this right now. I have plenty of bunnies and a dapper sailor's suit, all I need is cooperative weather.
Bunnies by weight or volume?
These are usually volumetric, but I see that no ones bothered to calibrate the A.I. yet.
Personally, I'd use a standard-sized bunny and stay away from jackrabbits.
Needz moar eel.
Eels make every dish great.
1 3/4 oz pkgs green jello, drained
Why not just buy your jello pre-drained, neural net?
And why not just buy crabmeat packaged without ll those internal rinds?
I think it's spending too much time worrying about the bones and the jelly.
"Wait, you want *how many* human hearts?"
<img src="https://spacemonstersmag.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/forbiddenplanet-robby-and-cook.jpg"/>
Cirrus uncinus in the sky.
Yr weather's gonna change.
Sound on
https://twitter.com/LauraDern/status/122635615262…
When did she become a gay icon?
Dunno.
https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/laura-der…
I guess those same people believe wrestling is real. And trump. Kind of explains everything, don't it?
Grammys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QB9uSe_e3o
I know exactly where this is and exactly what happened there.
| New Jersey
😎
@NJGov
welcome |
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EQR3sWJX0AI3WAH?format=jpg&name=small"/>
Blue Cars
Car blues
I've only been there once, and I could see that happening.
You're got to go to know.
Vice Versa
Vice Voisa
<img src="http://www.youdontknowjersey.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/YDKJ-RS-2-470×376.jpg"/>
|New Jersey 😎
@NJGov
now leave |
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/lone-wolf-trave…
Centrists
https://twitter.com/JediofGallifrey/status/122637…
Radical centrists.
HAH!!!!
Oh well.
Off to visit friends,
and then relatives.
Dinosaurs fell in love, but they didn't say goodbye…
https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2020/02/hannah-jac…
How did I miss this yesterday?!!! This is Grammy stuff.
Move over, Billie Eilish
Feral hogs
https://theweek.com/articles-amp/894115/americas-…
So 30-50 feral hogs isn't just some random number.
Huh.
<img src="https://images2.minutemediacdn.com/image/upload/c_crop,h_1123,w_2000,x_0,y_111/f_auto,q_auto,w_1100/v1554921495/shape/mentalfloss/550096-youtube_0.jpg" width=400>
http://passpigs.tripod.com/index.html
| Laura Bassett
@LEBassett
I just heard someone describe Ivanka’s Instagram feed as “Nazi performance art crossed with Vogue on mushrooms” and now I can’t unsee it |
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EQW4K6JXYAcUCa1?format=jpg&name=900×900"/>
I haven't seen her Instagram, not sure I want to, but whenever I see snippets of it on Twitter I think of Uma Thurman in this scene from The Producers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zY1orxW8Aw
Excellent.
Ein Vogue, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer
THE THUMBS!!! OHMYGOD THE THUMBS!!!!!!!!
Say what you will about the Nazis; they sure had style.
<img src="https://i.pinimg.com/236x/6f/ef/dc/6fefdc00985fe438f8de31fb8baf828d–women-hair-styles-nazi-propaganda.jpg"/>
https://mobile.twitter.com/aptshadow/status/12270…
I just sent L.A. Times a message asking the musical questiion:
Which idiot redesigned the online crossword?
Here's a musical question:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ib6c4sesDg&f…
OMG
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAWhijG_eQk
<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/MuTenSRsJ7TQQ/giphy.gif" width="300" height="300">
My people!
<img src="https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.tenor.com%2Fimages%2Fa592098eb9f72eac77d71f43874b4e3e%2Ftenor.gif"/>
WHAT the…
My reaction exactly. It was the video I didn't know I needed to see
This was filmed inside the colony of Slippermen.
<img src="https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/84928498_1227465990791421_1330795221528608768_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_ohc=FaH0QX5CyaIAX8Wanun&_nc_ht=scontent-sjc3-1.xx&oh=cc80925673c0c92a2ee586fa85508cee&oe=5F01D82D" width=400>
Shit on a shingle?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LnQPSvM6NI
Timeless
Needz moar makeup lines
E-Dub
https://mobile.twitter.com/briantylercohen/status…
e
p
i
c
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcQwxvOloxxHZosz5yYIBNm9Mvew2mJ0M8pqNlIy5L_VxWrSzUVr" width="300" height="300">
<img src="https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2F31.media.tumblr.com%2F04f76568f596e893d6167e0dba37fe73%2Ftumblr_nhaqnvuEDs1s391qwo1_1280.gif"/>
Heh.
https://twitter.com/nycsouthpaw/status/1226911634…
Ready.
<img src="https://www.snopes.com/tachyon/2017/05/grasshopper.jpg"/>
Dear obsessive Janis Joplin fans: Watch this space for news
Go on…
<img src="https://www.geeksofdoom.com/GoD/img/2013/01/2013-1-18-janis_joplin_color-533×389.jpg"/>
There will be news.
Probably.
Will wait until final t's are crossed.
While we're waiting…
Impala Syndrome, 1969 Venezuelan pysch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piS_akVmBLw
In case people get hungry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsyjNef2ydQ
Still waiting.
tap tap tap
Oops, this belonged in the Janis sub.
Why is Haaretz so anti-Semitic?
https://mobile.twitter.com/imraansiddiqi/status/1…
Well, that's what I mean……can't trust those people.
Hookers for Jesus
https://mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSKBN204…
Ah, men.
<img src="https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-1sOJURvSwe8%2FUVZjE5fZ6wI%2FAAAAAAAAAXU%2FnCfpUkUwKFc%2Fs1600%2Fbuddy-christ.jpg"/>
Oliver Willis
@owillis
Referring to the coronavirus, Trump says he was told by China's President Xi, "By April, during the month of April, the heat generally kills this kind of virus, so that would be a good thing."
…and he believed it.
<img src="https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fnewsmallchurch.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F01%2FJesus-Facepalm.jpg"/>
News you can use :
Apparently BevMo can fulfill all your Valentine's Day needs.
The doctor WANTS MY BLOOD!!!!!
Offer to trade for beer.
https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2020/feb/02/c…
|Effin' birds. |
<img src="https://66.media.tumblr.com/296101910a09a860f2d3176961ad52c2/tumblr_p52y2uRe5d1wqrtaco1_1280.jpg"/>
Related
https://twitter.com/KevinMKruse/status/1227238533…
<img src="https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Firuntheinternet.com%2Flulzdump%2Fimages%2Fgifs%2Fkid-knocks-himself-out-punch-bag-speedbag-13612101358.gif"/>
He's a goddam genius, he is.
https://twitter.com/paprbckparadise/status/121714…
"The award winning author of Don't You Look At Me "
Gotta hand it to the woodpecker, that's somethin'.
|NWS Amarillo
@NWSAmarillo
Just received a public report of side roads "slick as butter on a bald monkey". Drive carefully today!. |
How…how do they know? WHO'S BUTTERING THE MONKEYS
"buttering the monkey"
Have you ever tried to butter a furry monkey?
…in Poughkeepsie?
Who has to shave them first, that's what I'd like to know. Probably the Interns.
The only way to learn is to do it.
short ball (very) hitter. Tiny club head speed
https://mobile.twitter.com/HoooooskerJEW/status/1…
<img src="https://media.giphy.com/media/5t9wJjyHAOxvnxcPNk/giphy.gif" width="300" height="300">
What. Seriously, what is this?
There's either some kind of linguistic aphasia going on here, or he's just dumb as a trash bag of sash weights. Or both.
"I trained an AI on thousands of Dotard quotes. This is what it came up with"
I believe this to possibly be the worst Presidential Tweet-generating algorithm in existence
"… a trash bag of sash weights"
That's a goooooood one.
I just fabricated this. Use freely as you will.
Bag of Hammers and Box of Rocks just don't cut it with this guy anymore.
Do houses still have those?
I hope not. Rented a 200 year old stone farmhouse years ago that had those in awful windows. It was a nightmare.
They do make good anchor weights for sampling gear though.
Had them in the house I grew up in.
Nowadays people use buttered monkeys.
They're easier to get out of the walls after the rope breaks.
Not houses around here
Never caught-on out west I reckon.
The house I grew up in had them, built in 1954. The house I live in now had them until I upgraded 2 years ago. The new ones are vinyl-clad, triple-glazed and nitrogen filled. They cost more than the house I grew up in, and my own first-bought home.
Not those hammers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGk9COSmHkk
Yeah. heheh. Gonna steal.
"This Tweet is unavailable"
https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-trum…
Ugh.
Only slightly less coherent than this:
https://twitter.com/bourgeoisalien/status/1227422…
I guess I'm too late, it doesn't exist.
See blue's reply to close
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EQg_kUnXkAERfVm?format=jpg&name=small" width=360>
MSNBM
|Father Drinks McGee
@drinksmcgee
Whenever I get sad, I like to remember that there is a Brazilian anti-cancer mascot named Senhor Testiculo, a.k.a. Mr. Balls. |
"Balls. James Balls."
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EPfpOHLX0AAkazX?format=jpg&name=small">
| Ian Livingston
@islivingston
I've read a lot of job postings the last few months, but this is a first. |
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EQiarB1X0AI3KG4?format=jpg&name=small"/>
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EQh3zbgWkAMDa_P?format=jpg&name=small"/>
Who?
https://mobile.twitter.com/AP_Politics/status/122…
<img src="https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FGx7Kg9iEkZ4%2Fmaxresdefault.jpg"/>
https://twitter.com/TheDweck/status/1227431505267…
https://twitter.com/GeoffMiami/status/12274534495…
The youth plasma infusions have stopped working
<img src="https://33.media.tumblr.com/1b3671b45b51780f8c6c36f190ef76e8/tumblr_mnw0w2eunu1rhd1xfo1_500.gif"/>
I'd pay money to see her throw a binder at Chris Matthews.
K
L
OBUC
H
A
R
spells………..'.Klobuchar'
What does this mean for S.P Warren?
https://twitter.com/elizabethjdias/status/1227437…
Bailey?
.Poodle won. Who's the poodle?
Today in Poodle News
| Siba. |
[Which one's Pink?]
My favorite thing today:
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EQcWYWhXsAAuhQu?format=jpg&name=medium" />
I'm a Horrible Goose
<img src="https://thumbs.gfycat.com/JoyfulAromaticAlbino-size_restricted.gif"/>
https://mobile.twitter.com/edburmila/status/12275…
Heads you lose, tails I lose!
https://mobile.twitter.com/TheLoveBel0w/status/12…
A machine with a heavy blade sliding vertically in grooves.
[Edgar Allan Poe] describes a different apparatus, one where the perp has time to think about what they've done.
A weight hung from a fixed point so that it can swing freely backward and forward
I bet we could tweak the design and get a patent.
I wonder if there is a patent for one with a giant blade.
Preliminary search says there is not.
Alrighty then!
Kafka described something like that too
In the Penal Colony.
Not to be confused with In The Penile Colony, the truly disturbing porn version.
<img src="http://www.morethings.com/fan/cheech_and_chong/nice_dreams/cheech_and_chong1981-620.jpg"/>
<img src="http://www.quickmeme.com/img/7b/7b80e286a9c023b088aa45e0981e444916b9efbdeb5fd801a8b072ea463f53ae.jpg"/>
Also scary: Antifa
https://mobile.twitter.com/jason_a_w/status/12274…
Related
https://twitter.com/JoshuaHol/status/122760506819…
Great. A couple of years inside, he'll learn how to perfect his craft.
Unprecedented!
<img src="https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fexiledonline.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F03%2Fashley-todd1.jpg"/>
BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS
| Capital Weather Gang
@capitalweather
Places with more snow than DC this winter:
Baghdad
Midland, Tex.
Huntsville, Ala.
Nashville
North Georgia
Greenville, S.C.
Richmond
Asheville, N.C |
<img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/card_img/1227336702378827778/DEF7R0CD?format=jpg&name=small">
BALLS!!
That's balls.
Warm balls
Wes Anderson has a new film coming out in July: https://twitter.com/french_dispatch/status/122759…
Woah I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG WHY DO THEY ALWAYS DO THIS
OMG!